Maybe Next Time He’ll Think…


Dear Dharma,

It has recently come to light that a friend of mine may be involved with a married man. Some women who are friends with the wife of this man have heard about this relationship and are struggling with how to address it, but it’s only a matter of time before the truth comes out.

Do I warn this woman that the cat is out of the bag so that she ends the relationship? Or do I just sit back and watch this soap opera unfold?

Stuck in the Middle

Dear Stuck,

Just out of interest, did this married man put a profile on a couple of websites looking for a meaningful, long-term relationship?

Anyway, my eye goes straight to the “may be involved”.  Before approaching anyone about an affair they may or may not be having, you’d want to be pretty certain, non?

That technicality aside, I would say it depends on the relationship you have with said other woman. If she is genuinely a friend of yours, the heads up can’t hurt.  I can say with a fair amount of confidence, however, that you telling her this bit of news will likely not result in her ending the relationship.

And even if it did, the wife knows, or will know shortly by the sounds of it. The fact that he’s no longer cheating will not be what saves him. “Oh, oh I see – you’re not f–king her anymore… that was last week, but it’s over now, so we’re all good then!”

So if she’s a close friend and you have some sway, go ahead – but otherwise I’d stay out of it.  As you said, the cat is out of the bag, and it’s only a matter of time – and you’ll want to be as far away from that drama as you can!


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