Plan ‘F’


Dear Dharma,

A single friend recently informed me that my husband has a profile on two major dating websites, and in his profile he describes himself as single and looking for a meaningful, long term relationship!

I always thought we had a solid marriage.  Even though he works out of town on a set rotation, I have never doubted him or questioned his fidelity… until now.

Should I confront him or should I stay silent but watch for inconsistencies?  I am a complete wreck.

Dear Wreck,

By inconsistencies, do you mean him calling you Susan instead of Tina?  Or him swearing it was his mother when you caught him on the phone at 2:00 am?   And of course you’re a wreck – your husband is stepping out on you and setting up a second life!  Or at least he’s trying to, and that’s really all that matters, isn’t it. The intention.

As stomach-turning as it would be, I strongly advise you take a look at these websites to confirm that it really is him. I’m a big fan of the smoking gun, and tend to give a lot of leeway in its absence.

If having looked you are convinced it’s him, I’d say the gun is on fire and staying silent will only give you an ulcer and wrinkles. It doesn’t sound like he’s worth either. Print the profiles and have them on the counter when he next comes through the door. From that point on, where it goes is up to you.   Only you know whether or not you can get past this without living in a paranoid state forever more, but I would definitely have Plan F ready to put in motion (as in, “F you buddy, I’m out of here!”).



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