Hey Soul Sister


Dear Dharma,

My best friend/foster sister that I’ve known since I was 5 years old is not being herself lately.

Normally, we see each other often and confide in each other about everything.  Now she is constantly standing me up whenever we make plans, and she doesn’t return my messages for days. I see her on Facebook out at parties with her other friends.  When we do see each other, she’s always claiming that she is here for me and that she’s my best friend but she really isn’t showing it.

Some say it may be a phase she is going through. Not sure what I should do because it’s been going on for a while now.

Feeling Left Behind

Dear Behind,

Ah, there’s nothing like Facebook to keep us in the loop as to what’s we’re missing out on…

You lived together as sisters for years and now she has new friends and is doing things without you. Even worse, she’s flat out ignoring you!  It’s understandable your feelings are hurt and you’re feeling left behind.  Sometimes when a relationship is centered around a particular lifestyle (like living together) it is put at risk when that dynamic changes, i.e. one of you moves out and life moves on, which is what it sounds like has happened here.

You need to talk to her, in a low key and honest manner.  Maybe she’s oblivious as to how she’s treating you and is not aware she’s hurting you.  Don’t play the blame game – you don’t write, you don’t send flowers – just tell her you are sad at the growing distance, and while you understand people grow apart, you just don’t want that to happen with her – you consider her a sister, and most importantly, she’s your best friend!   Show her your heart, be vulnerable to her.

That should cause her to pause and evaluate what’s going on, non?

If she plays it up like that’s not the case and goes all Rick Astley on you, together forever and never to part, gently point out the times you’ve been stood up and straight up ignored, and using small words, explain how that just doesn’t work for you.

Gauge her reaction, and then let things be for a little while. If things improve, that’s great!  If not, you will need to evaluate if this friendship, as it stands, is capable of meeting your needs.  No matter what though, don’t chase her.  It’s embarrassing, and experience has shown that lunging towards someone usually causes them to take a giant step back.  I’m hopeful, though, that because she’s a part of your family, she will step up and be the sister you deserve.



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