Single White Female

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Dear Dharma,

I just started a new job and there’s a girl who clearly wants to be my BFF.  We started talking on inter-office messenger and she seemed like she was really cool until she asked if I would be a bridesmaid in her wedding.  I thought it was an inappropriate request because I barely even know this chick!  We have only ever spoken to each other during work hours and mostly on messenger.

What’s even stranger is that she has planned a wedding and is getting engagement pictures done … without him even proposing to her.

My question to you is what would be the nicest way to answer the question about being her bridesmaid?  She’s super excited about it, but I don’t know her well enough to commit to this.

Bridesmaid in Neverland

Dear Bridesmaid,

So, just to understand… is she actually engaged?  Isn’t being proposed to a prerequisite for this status?  What if the guy thinks he just signed up for a cheesy Sear’s portrait for the next Christmas card, and then SURPRISE!  Congratulations on the engagement buddy!

Anyway, let’s deal with your problem, not his, poor guy…

Saying no isn’t about negotiating.  Never give an excuse that has a solution.  So you don’t say, “I can’t afford to be in your wedding party”.  That has a potential solution and the next thing you know she’ll be offering you the money and you’ll be trying to dig your way out of that too.  Try something like, “I’m so flattered you’ve asked, but it’s just something I can’t take on at this time.”  If she tries to negotiate around that reasoning you just hold the company line and repeat.  And repeat again.  The main thing is she can’t solve what you can or can’t take on at this time.

Next step is to start distancing yourself from crazy town.  Don’t initiate with her on messenger.  When she sends you something, don’t respond to every little thing, don’t answer immediately and don’t be too enthusiastic with your answers.   She’ll hopefully start to get the hint and find someone else to fixate on.

You also need to watch Single White Female.  Trust me, just watch it.

Dharma

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