I’m Not The Other Woman!


Dear Dharma,

I ended up in the middle of my friend’s relationship issues and it has now escalated to her accusing her husband of cheating on her… with me!

She has treated her husband horribly throughout their marriage. He is a very nice guy and I sympathized with him, but nothing ever, ever happened that could be construed as romantic. She has a history of accusing me, along with others, of siding with him and even accused me of behaving inappropriately with one of his friend’s in her place (which was also not true).

She only says these terrible things about me to other people, and especially to her husband, but the funny thing is she never says any of it to me! She says to my face I am one of her best friends. What???

I have seen the emails/texts she sends him with these accusations, so I know it is true.  I was so shocked and didn’t want to believe she thought those things of me.

I think my only option is to cut all contact with this ‘friend’ – what do you think?

No Cheatin’ Here

Dear Cheatin’

Yikes!  Now that’s a particular brand of special when you think your “best friend” is screwing your husband and you are still able to play nice to her face, non?

I’m guessing she doesn’t know you are her husband’s confidante, cuz it kind of sounds like you are.  You are privy to texts and emails she sends him, which means you spend time with him that she is unaware of, yes?  Any chance she actually is aware, and that’s the root of these accusations?  Any chance your sympathetic ear has given him a warm fuzzy feeling, especially when he compares his time with you to how he gets treated at home, and she’s picked up on that?  Something to think about, right?

You’re correct though, you sure have landed in a hot mess.  And it sounds like to confront her about these accusations means you would have to admit knowing about them in the first place, which puts her husband in the direct line of fire.  Yikes again!

I think the best thing you can do as this plays out is to put a great deal of distance between you and both of them.  If either of them calls you out on that, I would just say you can tell they are going through a difficult time and you want to give them some space without getting caught in the middle.  After that slippery exit and as time goes by, I think you will be able to better evaluate if this is a friendship worth saving.  I’m kind of thinking… non…


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1 Comment

  • Anonymous says:

    If I were his wife I know I’d definitely be uncomfortable with him sharing all our dirty laundry with another woman! The crappy thing is that there is such a fine line between being supportive and having it turn into something more. People that are not happy in their current relationship almost always have difficulty with this as the supporting person is meeting the “emotional needs” that their partner is not. It almost always ends in at least one person getting the warm fuzzies for the other person. As the support person, you need to make sure your boundaries are clear and that you are only there to offer support. Nothing more.

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