Four Meetings and a Funeral


Dear Dharma,

I have a question regarding attending a funeral.

A friend of mine worked with a woman with whom she did not get along.  All was great in the honeymoon phase but then the woman became a bit of a wingnut.  She had my friend travelling to the head office, in another city, 3 – 4 days a week just so she could monitor her and then she would cut her down in meetings.  Thankfully the woman moved on to another position in the company, so this situation was short lived.

The latest development is that the former boss’s spouse died suddenly.

Given that they were not friends and did not really get along, should my friend go to the funeral?

Don’t Look Good in Black


Dear Don’t Look,

I know this probably isn’t the answer your friend is looking for, but yes, I do think she should go.

If I’m understanding the whole picture, the former boss still works at the same company as your friend. This would mean that other employees would be attending the funeral, and for sure someone would notice her absence.  So if nothing else, she would come off looking badly if she were to snub this woman who just lost her spouse.  Cynically speaking, it’s an optics thing, right?

Also, I don’t believe that showing compassion and respect to another human being is ever a bad thing.  Even though your friend is likely dreading the idea of attending, I think that it’s something she would feel good about after the fact.

If by chance they no longer work for the same company that obviously removes the whole work/optics thing, and then maybe there’s a bit more leeway not to attend, but I still think being the better person is the ticket here.

Plus, quite often, there are snacks after, so…

Dharma (on her way to hell)

Got a question for Dharma? She’s probably got an answer!

Go on, submit your question, you know you want to! Just go to Ask A Question in the top toolbar.        To submit anonymously, just make up a fake name and email – as long as the fields are populated, it works!

Categories: Uncategorized


  • Jenny says:

    I agree with Dharma, it’s better to fake it and be there than to be missing and have someone notice. Even if your lost in your own little world during the service. You don’t want something like this coming back as a negative thing for you.

Whether you agree with Dharma or think she missed the mark on this one, leave a Comment!

%d bloggers like this: