With or Without You


Dear Dharma,

I’m finally moving in with my boyfriend – we’ve been boyfriend/girlfriend for 2 years and have mutually agreed to get serious about our relationship.

I mentioned this to one of my friends and even though she was excited for me, she suggested that I move out on my own first before moving in with a guy.  I have never lived on my own before, so would you foresee this as a problem?

Please help!

Movin’ Out

Dear MO,

In the olden days, moving out of your parents’ house and into your new husband’s house was pretty much the way things were done.  It seemed to be a fairly successful formula that gave us beauties like “Leave it to Beaver” and “Little House on the Prairie”.  The landscape of the world has changed though, and now women have so many more options, and less judgement, to contend with.

On one hand, I do agree with your friend, that everyone should experience living on their own.  It provides the opportunity to learn who you are under your own roof, with your own rules.  You can explore what works for you and what doesn’t without someone else interjecting their two cents.

However, that puts you in an interesting situation if you put the brakes on moving in with your boyfriend after being together for two years and making the decision to take this step forward with him.  Are you good with postponing that for a year or so?  Will he be good with that?

And that might be the answer right there – what his reaction is to the suggestion.

If he’s down with it, then maybe give it a try!  You would still be in a relationship with him, so it’s a win-win, non?  You get to enjoy the freedom of your own place while being in each other’s lives, and when the both of you decide the timing is right to move in together, he gets a woman who is strong and confident. Remember, if he’s the right guy for you today, he will be in a year, too.

If he’s not okay with it and tries to pressure you into living with him now, then for sure you need to find a place with only your name on the lease, cuz likely that’s where you’re going to end up anyway.



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