Keep Your Hands to Yourself


Dear Dharma,

One of my best friends has had a new partner for a while now and it has really affected our friendship.

My friend is gay and his new partner, obviously, a man. But here is the weird part – his partner is extremely hands on with me, to a point where other people around us question what’s going on and every time I talk to another man, the guy flips out. He keeps commenting on my breasts, telling me how he imagines me in certain sexual acts, touches me constantly and saying NO to that doesn’t register with him. He has not always been gay, he has been married to 3 women and to this day still says how hot women are, especially moi.

If he was a straight man, doing what he has been doing to me, I would have probably punched him out already! But because he is in a relationship with my friend I feel completely stupid for even bringing it up. My friend has noticed and made a few comments but does not keep this guy in check!

What’s a girl to do?

Hands-off Please

Dear Hands-off,

Ummm – hello…  It doesn’t matter if this person is straight, gay, male or female… This gross behaviour needs to stop, and if saying NO doesn’t register, then we need to come up with another way to communicate the message, non?

I think the first thing you need to do is have a heart to heart with your friend, and he needs to understand you are serious.  It doesn’t matter if he doesn’t see it as a big deal, the main thing is that you do (rightfully so!), and he needs to respect that as your friend.

Explain to your friend that his beau makes your skin crawl when he touches you inappropriately and makes lewd comments about your body and the things he envisions with said body.  Give your friend the opportunity to take this off-line with his partner so things don’t escalate.  Warn your friend, though, that if he chooses not to step in, things are going to get ugly…

If your friend refuses to do this, then I think you have to question the merits on which this relationship is built.

If your friend does the decent thing and addresses the issue, but it falls on deaf ears, then you need to kick this up a notch if you are going to insist on spending time with this couple.

The next time hands go places they shouldn’t, or his comments make you want to gag, you need to say, “The next time you touch me like that and/or say something like that, I’m going to leave.  You’re making me uncomfortable, so please stop it.”  And this must be said with a deadly serious expression and tone.  It sounds like you’ve already tried laughing it off without success.

Should he be so stupid as to not hear you, you’re going to have to put your money where your mouth is.  Put down your drink, pick up your bag and walk those breasts out of hands reach.

After that, it’s kind of up to you how many times you want to repeat this exercise.  If you have to do it twice, it’s once too many in my opinion.  Well, it’s actually twice too many, but you may have to do it once in order for his little brain to register that you aren’t his squeeze toy.

Sheesh, no wonder this guy has a string of ex-wives behind him. Loving women and thinking they are hot is one thing.  Being a pig is quite another.



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  • aquarius1171 says:

    What is WRONG with this guy! And your friend?????? That’s where you need to start, with your friend. It don’t matter if it’s a gay guy macking on a straight girl – that gives you the right to grope someone – and if you’re friend can’t see this new guy is a d-bag…

  • Celest says:

    Meh, I think your reading too much into it. Take it as a compliment! Everyone knows gay guys have excellent style, so if he’s complimenting you its a good thing. I say just roll with it.

    • Anonymous says:

      Are you kidding me? There is a huge difference between unwelcome comments and unwelcome touching. Your body is YOURS! And if you’ve said NO and he’s still doing it?!? That’s TOTALLY unacceptable.

      I say, since you’ve already warned him off a number of times, the next attempt he makes to touch you try something durastic. Go straight for his nads! Maybe that’ll open up his ears!

    • WTF says:

      The guy is totally out of line and probably knows she can’t say anything because he’s gay.

      If a straight guy would do the same it’s called harassment!

    • Dharma says:

      Roll with it? Non. Compliments, fine. Saying what he wants to do with her naked body while grabbing her boobs, not fine. Not fine at all.

  • Ehm??? says:

    Sure he’s gay???

  • Julie says:

    Don’t say please. Telling someone to stop touching you is not a request.

  • No touchy here says:

    The dude is an asshole. Doesn’t matter if he’s gay or not, it’s harassment. I would tell him off very loudly and ask his partner if he’s OK with his man hitting on women. Maybe if you embarrass your friend he will tell his man to stop it? The fact that your friend didn’t stop it yet shows me he is an asshole too.

Whether you agree with Dharma or think she missed the mark on this one, leave a Comment!

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