Cheater Cheater


Dear Dharma,

I’ve been in an exclusive relationship with my boyfriend for over a year and a half and I love him with all my heart. However, I have discovered through friends that he has had an active online dating account for the past 3 months.

When I first confronted him, he said it was a form of communication with friends. Later the story changed and he told me that the account was passed on to a very close acquaintance because that person was being harassed and stalked. Except that nothing on the profile has changed….pics, info, details – they are all the same as my boyfriends.

The advice I need is very simple… Should I trust this as the truth? Is this realistic?

Any advice on this situation would be appreciated and I’d be grateful.

Blindly Optimistic

Dear Blind,

I’m going to go way out here and say, and not without grimacing on your behalf, that while you may have been in an exclusive relationship, your beloved has not.

I’m also going to say I really don’t understand the second (lie) story.  Like, at all.  First off, why did he suddenly switch to this twilight zone scenario with the harassed friend?  Were you pushing him because the first (lie) account didn’t ring true and he thought this sounded more believable? Because… really… it doesn’t…even make sense!!

So, without knowing any more than has been provided, the advice I’m giving you is very simple. No and no.  I don’t believe you should trust this as truth and hell no on the realistic.

Next part’s not so simple, though is it…because now you need to decide what to do, and just so you know, if you chose to do nothing, that’s considered having made a choice too.

Can you live with this?  What would happen if you told him you couldn’t?  Would he say he would stop? Would you believe him?

These are difficult questions and the answers spell out your foreseeable future. Finding a professional who could help you navigate through all this crap might not be the worst thing you could do.

Checking out the Ashley Madison list might not be a bad idea either…



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  • gemma471 says:

    always easy for outsiders to say ‘just leave’… its the right thing, of course, but you don’t just pack up, move out, and move on in 20 minutes. lots of things to consider.

    • NoB.S says:

      Consider what? He didn’t consider the relationship with her, doing this? How to you go on building a future with someone who can ‘actively’ do this. Why doesn’t she deserve more?

  • anon says:

    I think she’s going to talk herself into staying, because she doesn’t have tangible proof. She’ll kick herself down the road once she does… she knows in her gut he’s playing her.

Whether you agree with Dharma or think she missed the mark on this one, leave a Comment!

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