Cosmo Questionnaire

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Dear Dharma,

I need help with a big decision! I’ve been with my girlfriend for six years. We live together in her parents’ basement suite, as things are pretty tight financially right now.

Due to some recent events I realized I’m not happy with our relationship and was digging around to figure out why when I found a questionnaire, like a quiz, to determine if your partner had behavioural disorders.  To make a long discussion short, she matched almost all of the descriptions of someone who does.

I still love her very much and I’d like to point this out to her and see if I can’t make it work. I don’t have many good friends or a lot of family to help support me. Can I make it work though?  Or should I break it off and move on?  I know six years is a long time, but the rest of my life is longer!

Six Years In

Dear Six,

So just to recap…  After six years, you realized you were unhappy in your relationship, you found a quiz that verified that sentiment, but you still love her and want to see if you can make it work.

Without knowing the recent events that brought on your realization of unhappiness, I don’t know if this is something you can overcome.  I also don’t know if “Honey, I did this quiz and it turns out you have behavioural disorders!” is going to get you the results you are looking for.

The fact that you don’t have a lot of friends or family shouldn’t play into your decision – if it does, then you need to consider the fact that you are using her as a crutch.  Which helps clarify the state of your relationship that much more, non?

If you are serious about wanting to make things work, you first need to acknowledge to her that you are unhappy, as it doesn’t sound like you’ve communicated that fact to her.  Her reaction to that news might help you both decide what the next steps should be.

I know you say money is tight right now, but do you have access to any type of counselling through a church or community centre?  Do either of you have benefits through your employment that might cover that?  If behavioural issues are a component, some professional intervention might be useful.

On the flip side, if you decide this just isn’t the relationship for you, then you’re right – six years is nothing in comparison with the rest of your life, and it’s time to start making some tough moves.

Dharma

 

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1 Comment

  • sigmund says:

    ah yes, the “relationship quiz”, the bane of every man who had the misfortune to be near when one went off. Most of these quizzes are based on nothing and are put together by editors on magazine staffs, and more for their own amusement than anything else. To really find any useful information on you or your relationship requires talking to a real person, maybe a professional, but at the least an insightful and sensitive friend. If you are truly going out with a (insert some descriptor here, psycho, socio, naturo…)path I guarantee your friends have already figured that out and are remaining silent out of some misguided respect for “the relationship”. Ask someone you used to be close too, but for some reason have drifted away from since you became serious with your lovely mate.

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