Phat Girl


Dear Dharma,

I really like your site, and usually have a good chuckle at your advice, which is usually right on!  Now I need your help…

My best friend (since grade 3, we are now late 20’s) was always on the large side, but her weight was never an issue between us.  Over the last year or so, she became obsessed with reality TV shows about losing weight, and really took it to heart.  She joined a gym, and dieted fanatically and lost almost a hundred pounds.  96 pounds to be exact…  I know this because she told me, several dozen times, along with anyone else who would listen.  She has also told us how fit she is, how much more attention she is getting than us now, how “hot” she is, how many guys are lining up to ask her out.

She is totally superficial and shallow now, which she never was before.  It’s almost like that person doesn’t exist anymore.  Kind of like that terrible T-shirt that said something like inside every overweight person is a skinny bitch waiting to get out.

How can I get through to the friend I used to have and miss?  We were such good friends, but now I am at the point of breaking off contact because she is so petty.

Keeping Up With the Biggest Loser

Dear Loser,

To lose 96 pounds in a year is a major accomplishment, and to be honest, your friend probably isn’t the same person you’ve known for years.

Most of what you describe makes perfect sense when someone has undergone a major transformation.  To suddenly be desirable and ‘hot’ would be a heady drug if you’ve never received attention like this before, and it’s really kind of normal to get a major confidence boost from it all.

The part I’m really not liking is where she is using her new found situation to make the rest of you feel bad in comparison.   To point out that she is getting more attention than any of you is just rude, and illustrates that it’s not just weight she’s lost, but good manners and kindness as well.

I’m wondering if in time, as she readjusts to her new self, if she will start to behave more like her old self.  Only you can decide if you want to stick around to find out.

That doesn’t mean you have to put up with her abuse… The next time she goes on and on about her success, you can tell her how proud you are of her, and yes indeed she does look fantastic, but how about those Canucks.  If you change the subject enough times, she should start to get the picture.

If she continues to make nasty comments about how much better she is than all you losers, I would definitely be direct in telling her you’ve decided to lose some dead weight too.  Starting with her.



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