The Age of Snapchat and Such


Dear Dharma, 

Okay, really?  Is there no part of any social app that ISN’T being used for porn in some way?  I am a 28 year old female in a long-term relationship.  I just found out (okay I creeped his phone) that my boyfriend is getting racy Snapchats from a number of women.

He always said it was “the guys” who were sending him jokes and stuff, so I never paid much attention when his phone bleeped. Turns out the guys are actually girls, and I don’t know any of them.

Now I am wondering if this is a sign that our relationship is in trouble?

Clueless in Cleveland

Dear Cleveland,

I must admit, my knowledge of Snapchat is limited, but right away this seems different from “I caught my boyfriend watching porn”.  With Snapchat, do you need to know the people for them to send you pics?  Again, forgive my ignorance on this particular brand of social media – but if you do need to know them, then these racy pictures are from real women that he has some kind of connection with, making it more personal.  Not quite cheating but skating awfully close.

Marry that to the fact that he’s been lying to you about who’s been bleeping on his phone and I would say the red flags of trouble are waving in the breeze.

So now that puts you in a position where you have some choices to make.

You can talk to him and let him know this doesn’t work for you.  You’ll need to explain why that it… it makes you feel (fill in the blank) and the fact that he’s been dishonest doesn’t sit well with you.

You can decide to ignore it and turn a blind eye – but that means no more creeping.  Ignoring means ignoring, right?

If you go with option A, you’ll have more choices to make, depending on the outcome of the conversation.  Without knowing what that will be, we can only make general assumptions.  You can accept his defense, whatever it is, and then work on rebuilding the trust, you can try couples counselling to get you back on the same page, or you can decide this relationship as it now stands no longer works for you.

Would be interested to know your decision and the outcome, so if you’re comfortable with it, drop me a line.

Here are a few other scenarios Dharma has received in the past that might be of some help to you as well.

The Pina Colada Song

Every Time I Look at You



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