Kiss Me, S’il Vous Plait!

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Dear Dharma,

Let me first say that I really like your site. 🙂 Your advice always gives me something to think about.

Soooo, I’ve been fishing around in the dating pool these days, and have gone on three dates with one fellow over the last week. He is really quite sweet, smart, chivalrous and handsome. But here’s my issue; from mid-way through the first date, he has been overly affectionate and says really cheesy things. It’s making me uncomfortable.

I’ll describe some of the overly affectionate things:

1) Mid-way through the first date he asked for both of my hands to do a palm reading (which was really cool) but then wanted to hold both of my hands for the rest of the night…over the table. I allowed this for a while (holding hands at the table is not usually my thing) but then asked for at least one of my hands back. He let me have my hand back.

2) He compliments me non-stop, sometimes with really cheesy stuff. I know, some women out there will think I’m crazy but I feel like he’s putting me up on a pedestal and it’s overwhelming. It makes me think that I should be complimenting him all the time too and I’m just not a very vocal person that way.

3) Our third date was last night and we went for a walk. It was nice, except that every time we stopped to look at the sights he very sweetly asked for a kiss. Now for me, a peck is cute but I give them out like rations (not a lot), so being asked for a kiss (not just a peck) every 15 minutes is just way too much. And after a while I felt like I wasn’t being sincere during the kisses. I know, I could have just said no, but my fear of hurting him is pretty high (and I can be a bit of a coward sometimes).

The cheesy stuff is like, “I lost my heart last night”, “Good morning sweet eyes, sweet smile, sweet everything”, “I miss you sooooooo much!”  Remember, this is only our third date.

Now he’s a French guy and I have the impression that French men are a bit more amorous, so maybe it’s cultural?

Regardless of the reason, I’m feeling like I need to back away, but I’d just like a second opinion. Is this the sort of thing that can be worked on? From both his and my sides? Or should I cut and run?

Sincerely,

Cling-wrapped

Dear Cling-Wrapped,

All this in just three dates?  Mon dieu!

First off, you are correct that some women might think you are out of your mind to not find these things crazy romantic.  But those are the women who are just naturally into these types of PDA.  It’s not for everyone, and it’s clearly not for you.

That doesn’t make you a bad person.  And it doesn’t make him one either.  Not everyone is suited for everybody – otherwise, we’d all be married and living happily ever with the first boy who kissed us on the cheek when we were 5 years old.  Granted, he ran away immediately after, so maybe Teddy wasn’t looking for marriage.

Point being, I’ve known many people who on their own were fantastic, but simply not meant to be a couple with the person they were with, just so ill-suited for each other.  That in itself is not a crime, but so much time is spent trying to make square pegs fit into round holes that it should be.

Which brings us to the next thing… One week of dating and already you are contemplating “working” on things.  Things already need “fixing”.  Not the best sign, right?

Here’s something that has stuck with me for years.  I once overheard a conversation between two women – one who was recently engaged – and the engaged woman said “You know how I knew he was the one?  There was nothing about him I wanted to change.”  BAM.  There it is, right?  That notion, the complete simplicity of that statement, hit me like a brick and left a scar forever.  Hopefully it will for you too.

Lastly, when someone is so affectionate and lovey dovey, especially when you’ve known them for, what, a sum total of 6 hours, it’s hard to imagine that it is sincere.  You say you felt insincere, but really, it was the whole situation!  And when things feel fake, it’s hard not to feel uncomfortable.  And kissing on command – yeah, sounds sweet, but no, not really.  That just sounds awkward and awful.

Honestly, missy, your gut has spoken.  As fantastique as he might be on paper, this just isn’t working for you.  Hopefully I’ve given you lots to think about… 🙂

Dharma

 

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9 Comments

  • Anonymous says:

    I would cut and run! That would make me super uncomfortable too!

  • Lori says:

    Agree with Dharma.. If you are ALREADY having things in your mind that you want to change about him, that you can’t stand…. Then hes not the right guy. He may be for someone else and they might love that sort of thing, but not for you. I say.. don’t lead him on and go with your gut on this one.

  • charles says:

    I gotta side with the others on this one! And that is if the whole thing felt fake and awkward for YOU, it has to be the same for him. It is like he read a book and went ok, the ladies like a polite guy, check!
    and one who is affectionate, check!
    and one who says sappy things, check!
    excellent, can’t miss if I put them all together!

    I say move on!

    • Dharma says:

      I think some guys can just be naturally syrupy, just like lots of women can be – but you’re right, if a DIY book on love and romance was utilized then the results were not great!

      Thanks, Charles, your comment is appreciated!

  • Tj says:

    “You know how I knew he was the one? There was nothing about him I wanted to change.” Brilliant!!

  • LuLuLime says:

    It is cultural! French men are very much like that- after a couple dates they want you to meet their mother. They say “I love you” in the first week. However, it doesn’t typically last very long. If you are not into goofy, romantic sentiments then you should back away but if you can put up with the cheesy lines then try to let yourself enjoy your dates. There is nothing like a French man to make you feel sexy and adored (at least for a while)!

    • Dharma says:

      For sure it will have an effect on some woman, who would love to be gushed over!

      Interesting to me that you say it doesn’t typically last very long – what’s the rationale behind that, do you think…

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