Alphabet Street


Dear Dharma,

I’m in a weird situation here. I’ve liked this girl (let’s call her H) for 3 – 4 years now.  I’ve told her that I’m interested in her and we talk almost every day.  We sit together in most of our classes, but she doesn’t seem to want to be any more than just friends (I’m assuming).

There’s also this other girl (let’s call her K). I’ve only really started talking to her 6 or 7 months ago, and we talk almost every day, all day, and I was really enjoying being her friend.  She is friends with H, and I told H how I was feeling about K (I don’t know if that was a good idea), but then H got really weird, almost angry, and she told me that I shouldn’t go for it and it’s a bad idea.  I text K way more than H (mainly because K is more available to text than H) but I talk to H in real life more than K.

I don’t really know what H wants because she treats me differently from everyone else, in a bad way. She barely ever starts a conversation, and she seems to be jumpy when she’s around me and barely looks at me when we are alone. K is more friendly and actually talks to me like I’m a normal person.

There’s also this other girl (let’s call her T).  She recently moved to my school and she has a huge crush on me. Her, H and K are all friends.  H thinks I should go out with T so T won’t feel bad when I spend time with K or H, but I don’t want to go out with T.  I’m actually in love with H more than with K, and I think of K more as a friend.

Please give me your insight on what I should do.

All Tangled Up

Dear Tangled,

I can see that my use of the title Girls, Girls, Girls would have been much better suited for this scenario. Alphabet Street will only mean something to long standing Prince fans.

Anyway, Tangled, let’s see what we can do to unravel some of this for you.

Working alphabetically, let’s start with H.  For 3 – 4 years you’ve been talking to and spending time with her and you’ve let her know you are interested.  In return, she treats you somewhat badly, gets angry when you are possibly interested in someone else (K), yet encourages you to spend time with another girl (T).  You say you are assuming she doesn’t want to be any more than just friends with you, but I’d say you’ve hit the nail directly on the head.  She doesn’t want to be any more than friends.

You end your letter saying you are in love with H, but other than that quick proclamation, there is nothing else in your words or her actions to validate or support that claim.

The situation with K is a little unclear for me – you refer to her twice as solidly in the friends zone, but then say you told H “how you were feeling” about K, and H got mad. Because… you told her… you liked K as a friend?

Either way, it sounds like you enjoy K’s company, and that she’s a great friend, so I think you can just leave things as they are with her.  Which is not a bad thing, right?

Enter T, the new girl in town.  She has a crush on you, and is also friends with K and H (of course she is) and the only thing you say about her is that you don’t want to go out with her.

So… don’t.  Just because she likes you doesn’t mean you’re obligated to like her back.

Now where does that leave us…  I feel like we’ve resolved K and T (at least to my liking), but the angsty part is still with H.

Am I wrong in thinking that there aren’t really a lot of options with a girl who isn’t interested in anything other than a strained friendship at best?  She’s been sending you that message for a good long while now, and it might be time to accept it.  Wouldn’t you be better off finding someone who likes you back?  And someone who isn’t always manipulating your feelings?

Once you find that person, which you will, you’ll automatically see the difference between a solid relationship and a cat and mouse game.



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Categories: Friends, Relationships


  • Kaydubb says:

    You nailed it as usual, Dharma!

  • Whatev's says:

    Whoa! Dude! What are you? A player in training? I got dizzy just reading that.

    Seriously, finding a girlfriend doesn’t have to be this hard. You need to find someone that you like that likes you back. (And I mean likes you in the same way you like them!) Maybe try looking outside your immediate circle of friends.

    If the others don’t like it, the heck with them! It’s your life not theirs! They had their chance with you. Why should you miss out at something with the potential to be awesome just to make a friend happy?

    • Dharma says:

      I don’t get the sense of a player here, I get the sense of someone who is possibly new to the world of dating and the politics of girls.

      You’re right, though, it shouldn’t be this hard and moving outside this circle of friends is great advice.

      Thanks for your comment!

  • […] As I write this I am on day 3 of all Prince all the time, playing in every room of the house.  Alphabet Street is on right now, which ironically I referenced just […]

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