29 and REALLY Holding


Dear Dharma,

I have a question, and you seem to have all the answers!

I’m a guy returning to the dating grind after a few years (ok 12).  I am in my mid 30’s and have been trying out the online scene, as the bar thing doesn’t appeal to me in the slightest anymore.

Here is my problem, I recently met a woman online and we seemed to have quite a bit in common, so we arranged for a meeting, just coffee at first.  In person she was polished and attractive, and our conversation was entertaining and not forced.

So what’s the problem?  Well, her profile lists her age as a few years younger than me, but unless I am totally hallucinating, she is easily 10 years older.  I am not saying she is a crone, far from it.  She is intelligent and attractive.  My question is should I say something?  I don’t want to call her out but the idea that she lied about that makes me wonder what else is fake?

She’s 29 and Really Holding

Dear Holding,

A lot going on lately with this whole 29 and holding thing!

As obvious as it is to say, this really depends on how you feel about the situation.  Some people are super game-y about their age, for a variety of reasons I can’t say I necessarily understand, but it is what it is.

But this isn’t about the actual age difference – you’ve already said that.  The two of you hit it off.  You found her attractive.

It’s about the dishonesty, the misrepresentation, right?  So now you need to evaluate what impact this lie has, saying she’s 30 when she’s 40 (possibly).  For example, does it make a difference down the road if the topic of having children comes up?  Does it make a difference when it comes to financial planning when retirement comes 10 years sooner than you expected?

In my opinion we make decisions about the people we keep in our life based on what we deem to be the truth about them. To not be given all the information – the accurate information – skews our ability to determine what works for us.  Maybe being with a 40 year old totally works for you, but maybe it doesn’t.  Problem is, you weren’t given a say.

Your question is whether or not to confront her… and it still comes back to how important this is to you.  If it’s a deal breaker, then it’s a deal breaker and I don’t know if it’s worth saying anything other than peace out.  If it’s something you want to get past, then talking to her about it would be the first step.  However.  Make very certain you are correct in your assumption – cuz let me tell you, my friend…  if she is 30 and just looks 40, man oh man, it will not be a good day.



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1 Comment

  • anon says:

    Age is just a number! Enjoy dating and see where it goes. If you’re both serious, then you’ll eventually find out about each other one way or another. Or… you could go on a date and test drive some race cars…. take a quick peak at what her license says when she pulls it out 😉

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