The Naked Gun – Part IV

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Well here we are on day four of the Naked Gun series, brought to us by the following question:

Dear Dharma,

I’m late 20’s and online dating.  Seriously, what is it with guys sending me pics of their dicks??

Not Even Kidding

Dharma reached out to her panel of experts in this arena and there was so much feedback, it had to be broken down in order to make sense of it all.  People were more than eager to share their thoughts on this topic, like they were finally given an opportunity to tell me what they really thought about it.

The questions that they were responding to are:

Does this really happen?  Do girls like this? Why do you think guys do this?  Do guys think girls like this?  Do girls do this?

Thus far we’ve determined that yes, this happens all the time, and no, not only do girls not like it, they find it offensive and need it to stop.

So… if that’s the general feedback, then why on earth are guys shooting us dick pics on such a regular basis?  Is it because they think girls like this and want it?

Let’s take a look…

“Men think their wiener is god’s gift to all women and seriously assume we are turned on by their loin meat!”

 

“They want to impress the girl; they are just so desperate for a female to look at their bits, or; they are expecting the girl to reciprocate – or any combination thereof. If you have ever heard the term “f-ckboy” that usually goes hand in hand with the subject of dick pics. And if he’s sending dick pics he is 100% a f-ckboy.”

 

“I think guys MAY think girls want to see it, and I am sure there are girls who have asked to see as well. I would think the conversation would have to have been going in that general direction for it to happen. But then again some guys are just pigs…”

 

“They think girls like it. And if they do it enough eventually some girl will be ok and send one back.”

 

“Generally they are hoping the girl will say nice cock and come over. This never happens.  Or hoping for a pic back. This rarely happens. Not looking for anything relationship wise generally.  Also, the majority of guys have a dick pic in their phone ready to go.”

 

“Most likely because they think with their dinks 90% of the time.  I think they get a kick out of it.  Maybe they’re looking for a compliment?  Maybe not enough hugs as a child?”

 

“He wants to sleep with her and sex is the only thing on his mind.  His attempts are vastly misdirected, but the intention is still there and not genuine.”

 

“No one wants to date anymore. It’s let’s hang out and watch Netflix and bang. Guys don’t put the effort in anymore so their go-to is a dick pic. Or the odd one puts the effort in and then it’s “Hey, here is what my penis looks like…”  Idiots!”

 

“I think they’re just trying to show them off, kind of like the same way dogs mount random dogs at the dog park… It’s how they mark their territory but what men don’t realize is that most women don’t really give a $hit.”

 

“I find lots of men do that $hit because they assume it’s what a woman wants to see. The new era of men has no idea what women want or even how to talk to them so it’s easier to send a dick pic hoping she might be a slut and if they get a negative response that girl becomes a whore or dumb bitch cause they weren’t pathetic enough to whore themselves to some loser via the internet.”

 

“It’s a numbers game.  If they get one chick who responds and they get laid, then it’s worth offending the other 99.  Totally gross and disrespectful.”

 

“Dick pics are the lazy man’s way of starting a conversation.  Go right to sex instead of actually having a conversation and getting to know someone and then go from there.  Men see it as a way to fast track their sexual exploits.  Kind of sad if you ask me.”

 

“The modern dating scene is more like a meat market than actual dating. And it’s just so easy that people don’t even have to work hard to get the date anymore. So they really have nothing to lose.

 

You used to have to meet someone, get them to agree to go out with you, have the date go well and then MAYBE there would be some hanky panky at the end of the night.  You wouldn’t flash them at the start of it all or they would have run for the hills.

 

Now it just seems to go straight to here’s a picture of my junk, wanna screw?”

 

“I am not surprised by the number of women who have received these pics, I am more surprised by their surprise!  For the record, I have not and can safely say I will not send an uninvited picture, but maybe I can shed a little light on the men who have.

 

Back in the dark ages (pre cell phones) when I was dating and going to bars and clubs, there was always one guy who would hit on every girl in the place with crude and suggestive pickup lines.  It almost never worked, and when it did, it was always a one night hookup, which is exactly what he was after.  We would laugh at him at his poor success ratio, but his response was always, “Hey it’s just a numbers game.  Of course 99 times I get rejected, but that isn’t my target, it’s the 1 who says “Yeah why not”.  And, because he had no qualms being rejected 99 times in a night, he almost always found his 1%’er.

 

To me, this new phenomenon is the exact same thing, just teched up for the texting and social media aware crowd. The level of face to face social skills has fallen in the last decade as human interactions have gradually shifted to the digital realm.  For a small percentage of the men on the dating and matchmaking sites (my guess is lower on Christian Mingle, higher on Tinder) it’s still nothing but a numbers game.  If I make my pitch to enough women…  And that is the target for these pics, and sorry to say, all of the offended, mortified, outraged women are just collateral damage.  Bottom line is, ALL guys know this is not a respectful way to approach someone, certainly not someone you are contemplating a relationship with, the guy who does it anyways just doesn’t care.”

 

“I really don’t think guys care if the girl likes it. They are after one thing and one thing only.”

 

“Of course we know that most girls don’t like it.  We’re just looking for the one girl who does.”

 

Wow.

Guys don’t care if women like getting unsolicited pictures of their dicks jammed in their faces, but they do it anyway?

What… what is going on here?

First of all, this seems to be a self-defeating mission, non?  You’re trying to get laid, so you do something that seems almost guaranteed to get your privates slammed in the door?  Ahh, but let’s reiterate… 99 of women are shutting you down, but as long as you find that one hungry girl, it’s worth it.

Secondly – ummm, is it just me thinking there is an actual problem here, other than just bad manners and poor lighting?

Be sure to tune in tomorrow for our final chapter of the Naked Gun – and please, take the opportunity to weigh in with your comments and thoughts.  Whether you agree, disagree or just need to vent, Dharma is here for you.

Dharma

surprised woman

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5 Comments

  • Not a douche says:

    Wow, I’m a guy Dharma, and I had to stop reading. I just couldn’t take it.

    First of all, there’s a lot of implication there that this is something all or (as one says) %90 of guys do. I find that hard to believe. I think what these women are running into is that among the group that uses apps like Tinder and POF there is a higher percentage of guys just looking for sex, which leads to higher percentage of dpuchebags, which leads to dick pics.

    I can honestly say I doubt I know a single man with a picture like that on hand and ready to send. I’m not saying they aren’t out there, but I don’t know any.

    As much as I’d like to say that there are lots of great guys out there (there are actually, I know quite a few) I also keep hearing stories about boyfriends who should really never be allowed to be in range of a woman. I don’t know what the f happened. I really don’t. I work in construction, and there is still a staggering amount of mysogynistic crap.

    But, there are also great amazing and emotionally available men out there – modern men who know that feminism is for them too, and who do know how to treat a woman, and who aren’t threatened by a strong independant woman. There are those of us who want a partner, an equal, to share our lives. Men who will change diapers and be amazing fathers and have tea parties and teach their sons to do the same. There are men who can cry and know it takes more strength to be vulnerable than to be ‘strong’, and who will be there no matter what.

    And those of us who are like that are standing right beside you shaking our heads in disbelief. My girlfriend asked me why guys do this, and it is so far removed from my tree of morality that I can honestly say I have absolutely no idea. Unless you’re both sexting away, and she asks for the picture, I don’t get it. And I’ll add that if someone ever did that to my partner or our child, I would charge the mofo with sexual harassment, because the ‘UDP’ (Uncolicited Dick Pic) is actually a crime.

    So maybe it needs to be treated that way. Maybe these monkeys (actually that’s not fair to monkeys but I don’t want to swear too much) need a harsh awakening. Maybe instead of saying ‘guys are gross’ or ‘they’re just like that’ and shrugging it off, maybe as a society we need to say ‘No. This is sexual harassment, and it is a crime, and from now on we’re going to treat it that way’.

    Maybe if we charge a generation of douchebags with sexual harassment, VERY publicly, the next generation of dpuchebags will think twice before hitting send.

    • Reagan says:

      Love this! Yes! High five!

    • Dharma says:

      Just to clarify – I don’t think the quote was that 90% of guys do this (send UDP’s), it was that 90% of guys think with their dinks. Does that change anything for you? 🙂

      I am hoping you read the final chapter of this saga, as you took this exactly to the same place Dharma did.

      Your comment is excellent, and much appreciated. Dharma thinks you should share with everyone you can think of. The more people who are exposed to your way of thinking, the more possible change becomes.

  • JK says:

    This phenomenon kind of reminds me of flashers. Remember flashers in the pre-digital 80s and 90s? Now whipping it out is so much easier and with much lower risk. No real door to get the weiner slammed in, no arrest for public indecency or sexual harassment. I don’t think that no women like seeing a good dick pic. OMG the dick pic scene in the new Melissa McCarthy movie The Spy is hilarious. However, I agree with some of the prior comments about it needing to be clear that she wants it. If you don’t ask, you’re just that gross flasher guy in a trench coat.

    I think in the age of free internet porn, TV that is basically porn, and burlesque everywhere you turn around, people are confused about this issue. It doesn’t surprise me that men don’t think it’s a big deal to send a woman pictures of their penises. I think it crosses a big line, but I’m not surprised. I think the issue demonstrates a consent value that we have long dismissed as old fashioned or prudish. Remember how you used to have to stay up real late to see the really “good” tv? There used to be an overall belief that there should be boundaries around sexual imagery, making it well understood that not everyone wants to see full frontal nudity… like ahem when I have my phone open at Sunday brunch with my mom… or I turn the tv on at 2pm to watch a show with my 5-year-old niece. It’s not prudish to want the choice of if and when to see someone’s boobs or dick or crack and sack. So yeah, I basically blame TV. Haha

    To all ye penis pic pushers, I would like to say, if they gave a $hit, Don’t be that 80s flasher guy, just don’t. it’s gross.

    • Dharma says:

      It’s exactly, EXACTLY like flashers from the olden days. Which IS illegal now – and I think we can all agree that’s not a bad thing.

      Your points about consent value being dismissed as prudish are excellent and I appreciate you taking the time to weigh in.

      Again, share share share (these posts, not your pics!) – the more this message gets out there, the better.

Whether you agree with Dharma or think she missed the mark on this one, leave a Comment!

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