Chasing Dreams


Dear Dharma,

Long-time reader, first time caller… just wanna say I love your stuff!

Also, I need a little advice.  I have a few friends that I swear I’d never see if I didn’t make the effort to reach out to them.  I have mentioned in passing that, you know, you can always call me too… but it hasn’t seemed to work.

I do enjoy spending time with these friends, but am starting to wonder if I should keep reaching out?  Any thoughts?

Always Chasing

Dear Chasing,

Your sign off kind of says it all, doesn’t it…

Here’s one of the things I’ve learned in life.  People are busy, yes, but people make time for the things they want.  Period.

You’ve made it clear that one of your priorities is to spend time with your friends, thus the constant chasing.  I’m not sure I see that being reciprocated.

So the best advice I can give you here is to re-evaluate your expectations.  Right now your expectation is that they should be making equal effort, and you’ve expressed that to them in an off-handed way.  You can try being more direct with them, but the result may not be any different.

If that’s the case, then you need to change the boundaries for yourself.  Change your brain and make it so if you see them, great!  If they reach out, great!  If every now and then you reach out and get a positive response, great!  Other than that, leave it alone.

To agonize over why they don’t put in equal time and energy is going to continue to get you nowhere.  As I’ve said, your current friends are prioritizing their time to fit in exactly the things they want to.  As sad as that might make you feel, understand that finding friends who want to spend time with you as much as you do with them is completely in your power.



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  • Chasing2 says:

    That is excellent advice and I’m going to take it as well! You’re so wise Dharma.

  • […] As Dharma said recently, people make time for the things and people they want.  Sure, everyone is busy, and sometimes there just isn’t enough time in the day.  Except there’s always enough time for manners. […]

  • anon says:

    Yup, have to agree with Dharma… great advice! If they make you happy, reach out and do it for you <3

  • Regina says:

    I HAD some friends like this. I honestly don’t really waste my time anymore chasing after them. Try and not chase them and see how long the lack of communication lasts with this friend. I have a friend that I have “chased” for so long. It’s now been 1 year since we have talked because I stopped reaching out and put the ball in her court to set up a time to meet. It’s sad, really.. But you know who your true friends are.

Whether you agree with Dharma or think she missed the mark on this one, leave a Comment!

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