Looking for that Lobster


Dear Dharma,

I’m in my mid-twenties and single.  I find the dating scene overwhelming and I’m very particular about who I go on dates with.

Recently, a friend of mine gave my contact information to somebody she thought I would hit it off with and we talked over social media for a week before we decided to have a drink.

As far as I could tell the date went really well. He didn’t seem awkward, we had chemistry (as much chemistry as you can have the first time you meet somebody), and we had a lot in common.

But… that was a week ago and I still haven’t heard from him. I’m not the kind of gal to get hung up on him “not calling”, it’s just that I don’t understand what happened.

Was it Something I Said?

Dear Something,

Without having him on the line, it’s hard to guess at why you haven’t heard from him.  However,  I do think you have a few paths to pursue here.

The first being you could text or call him.  You sound like a fairly confident girl of the world.  How about a quick message saying something like, “Thanks for meeting up with me last Friday, and sorry I haven’t been in touch sooner – crazy week!  Let me know if you’re up for a drink sometime!”

If you don’t hear anything back, chalk it up to him being a ghosty jerk and move on.  Who knows why people do what they do. You have better things to do with your time than trying to get into his head.

Another thing you could do if you don’t want to be the one who calls first is to poke around with your friend.  She’s the one who set you up, maybe she has some information she’d be willing to share.

Lastly, you could leave it alone.  Recognize that you probably don’t want to be with someone who can’t take the time to follow up, no matter what the reasons are.  It takes 20 seconds to send a text, and as I’ve said before, people make the time to do the things they want to.

Don’t worry; your lobster is out there.  (Yeah, I just watched that episode of Friends.)



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  • Anonymous says:

    Maybe he got hit by a car and he doesn’t have use of his arms….. but seriously, how did the evening end, with a “I’ll call you”, “let’s do this again” or the dreaded, “nice to meet you, maybe will bump into each other again. There could be lots of reasons, maybe his friends advised him not to seem to eager. It can drive you crazy, I say, let it go and see what happens.

    • Dharma says:

      OMG, that totally reminded me of a short story or blog I read recently where they went on a date (she worked at a coffee place, he was a customer) and then he never heard from her again… and it was a really great date! He was all confused and embarrassed that she never called, and then he went back to the coffee place like a month later, and one of the other staff said “OMG, did you hear what happened to Suzy?” And she actually was dead, some terrible accident.

      Not saying that’s the case here! I guess just saying one never really knows why things go they way they go sometimes…

      Thanks for the comment!

  • anon says:

    Aww I want to find my lobster too 🙁 Have you ever watched that movie “The Lobster” with Colin Farrel and Racheal Weiz? Now that’s the kind of love I am striving to find! This guy doesn’t seem to be worth it.

  • Pinchie says:

    I’m in the dating scene too and won’t settle for someone that isn’t eager to keep in touch. It may take a while, but I owe it to myself to find the right one.

    • Dharma says:

      Love to read comments like this… Not being bothered with those who can’t be bothered is the way to go!

      Good luck in the dating scene, Pinchie, and thanks for the comment!

  • Reality check says:

    He is his Lobster ! Here goes something no one has said ! If he didn’t text or called within the week. He is not that into you!! Sad but not your lobster ! The reality is she “thinks” it went well…. But that is just one side of the story. So far the other end of the story is keeping his distance and that says a lot !

    • Dharma says:

      For sure he’s not the lobster, I agree… but I can see how it would be confusing when everything seemed good and well to the naked eye, and then… nothing.

      And I agree, he would have called by now if this was going somewhere.

      Thanks for the comment!

  • Consuela says:

    Man up.. Just call the guy and see whats up. If he gives you a weird vibe after that then cut him loose.

    • Dharma says:

      I can see why the LW might not be comfortable calling, but sending a text wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. And you’re right, if the vibe is off, then let it go.

      Thanks for the comment!

Whether you agree with Dharma or think she missed the mark on this one, leave a Comment!

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