Sugary Lard Bombs

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Dear Dharma,

I’m a man in my late 40’s, and have decided to make some changes in my life.  I’ve started exercising more, drinking less, and really paying attention to what I eat. I feel that this is a private decision, and don’t see the need to announce it on social media, or even to tell people about it in person.

My problem comes when I am a guest at someone’s house, and they insist on my trying their homemade treats or desserts.  When it is homemade, it seems people really don’t like to take no as an answer.  It’s like it is a personal affront to not chow down.

I know for a fact that I am not the most diplomatic person, and realize I am “rough around the edges” when speaking.  When I type (like this) I can organize my thoughts and say what I mean precisely.  When I talk, my mouth gets ahead of my brain more often than not.

How do I best handle it when someone pushes the tray of cookies or cake at me?  Something better than “”for F*&% sake, take those heaps of sugary lard bombs away!” would be ideal.  I really don’t want to hurt people’s feelings.

Tired of Being Jolly

Dear Jolly,

In light of your letter, I really enjoy that I get to address you as Jolly.  I guess I could just as well have gone with Tired, but this is more entertaining for me…!

You are completely within your rights to make these lifestyle changes without making a major announcement to the world.  You are also completely within your rights to decline foods that don’t work within those new boundaries.

Also, you are correct in assessing that people do attach a certain personal pride to their homemade cuisine. Right or wrong, rejecting their offerings is just as much rejecting them in their eyes.

However, as much as you don’t want to make a big deal about your lifestyle decisions, do you think you could handle a slight concession?

When the invitation is extended, and as part of your acceptance, maybe give them the heads up.  It’s only fair, right?  By giving them the information they need to properly prepare for the evening, you allow them to be good hosts.

If I’ve made a lovely roast beef dinner with bacon gravy, and you spring it on me as we’re sitting down that you’ve gone vegetarian, I’ll feel like I’ve failed.  If you tell me in advance, I can properly prepare and no one is left feeling on the spot.

So a little “Hey Suzie, thanks so much for the invite, I’m really looking forward to it!  Just to let you know, I’m really watching what I eat these days, so please don’t be offended if I pass on the dessert!” will go a long way. If Suzie is a good host, Dharma can almost guarantee there will be a fruit plate with your name on it…

And Jolly?  Thank you for reaching out for some advice instead of just spewing a mouthful of not so sugary sentiments to your host.  In fact, the whole world thanks you!

Dharma

dessert

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1 Comment

  • Anonymous says:

    I’m with Dharma on this one! Set the host’s expectations in advance to make the evening more enjoyable for everyone! And good on ya for making those necessary changes! Good luck!

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