Exclusive Rights


Dear Dharma,

I need your help with how to talk to this girl I have been seeing.  We met a month or so ago, and have been hanging out together, some dates, like real dates with dinner and stuff. It’s not just a couple hookups.

The problem is I want to get her to agree to be exclusive, but I’m not ready to be “boyfriend – girlfriend” with all that drama.

And it’s not a one way thing, I am totally ready to not see anyone else too, but how can I convince her that that is all the commitment we need to make right now?

I don’t want to hang with anyone else, and I don’t want her to either.  This way we can see if we are ready to go the rest of the way to a serious relationship.

She says if we are exclusive, then I am her boyfriend and she is my girlfriend.  I find that presumptuous but hope she can be persuaded, just give me some ideas what to say!

Don’t want to be in the (boy)friend zone

Dear Zone,

So just checking that I understand this correctly… You’ve been dating this girl for just over a month and things are going well. But not quite well enough that you are willing to commit to making it an official relationship, “with all that drama”…  But you want to put her in a box with a reserved sign so that she won’t see anyone else while you make up your mind.  And you would like Dharma’s help with that.


Oh Zone, I gotta say, I quite like you.

I wish I knew how old you were so I would know if it were appropriate to say grow the eff up.  If you’re 16, okay, that’s cool, I get that you’re new to the scene and I won’t drown you for that it. However, If you’re a day over 25, well then, seriously…  You need to grow the eff up.

And thank you!  You’ve so sweetly given Dharma the opportunity to use some great clichés – like $hit or get off the pot.  Step up or step aside. Fish or cut bait.

Do you really want to be this wishy washy lame ass guy?  Because this stand doesn’t show any confidence, any strength whatsoever – in fact, you really come off looking like quite the puss.  Just sayin’.

Furthermore, she’s right.  If you’re exclusive, you’re exclusive!  Which mean dating. Which means BF/GF.  Which means – OMFG – you’re in a relationship!

Or you’re not.

But you can’t have it both ways, my friend.  So let’s exercise some of these clichés, make a decision and move on one way or the other.




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