Dear Dharma,

I have an issue with my long distance girlfriend. We have to video chat every day and thanks to my own schedule I cannot always go out to visit her. But that’s not the main issue.

The main issue is she has this weird fetish of having me wear silly costumes, preferably having me dress up as her favourite video game character, who looks like an elf in appearance.

I have the costume and all, but she expects me to wear it as much as possible, most likely to fulfill her fantasy of dating this fictional guy. To make matters worse, I feel very foolish wearing something like that just for video chatting purposes. When I try to explain I’m not comfortable wearing said outfit repeatedly, she either gets overly upset or tells me to only listen to her and not my heart.  I love her but this is getting ridiculous.

What should I do?


Dear Undignified,

I’m hoping you realize that the main problem here is not actually that you have to dress up as an elf to fulfill your girlfriend’s fantasies (that sounds more like her problem than yours!) but that your girlfriend has no respect for you.

You’ve expressed that this activity makes you uncomfortable.  The fact that she disregarded you and that information speaks volumes as to her character, don’t you think?

A true partnership involves both parties working together to make each other happy and comfortable, but in your case it sounds truly one sided.

You don’t say how long you’ve been together, or if this aspect of her personality shows itself in other capacities, but it makes sense that it would have to.  Selfish people are selfish people, generally speaking, so I would be very surprised to learn this is the only time you’ve witnessed this kind of behaviour in her.

If wearing the elf suit makes you uncomfortable, stop.  Explain one more time that it doesn’t work for you and why and ask her to respect that, full stop.  What she does from there should help you decide if you want to continue on with this relationship or not.



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  • StartPlayingTheFieldAgain says:

    I suppose everyone has their ‘thing’ but getting mad when you say you don’t like dressing up….that’s a no-go. I’d be outta there for sure.

Whether you agree with Dharma or think she missed the mark on this one, leave a Comment!

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