The Right Kind of Wrong

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Dear Dharma,

Right. I’m a long time reader, first time writer. Anyways, here is my personal issue.

A couple months ago, I got a new girlfriend. We started out great until later on when I learned she has temper issues and now almost every day she either talks to me harshly for no reason or demands we always do things her way.

Since her first angry rant, things have been going up and down causing me to lose my own sanity. But the problem is we can’t even break up because we’re both too fragile to do so. However, if I keep dating her, or even end up marrying her in the future I will most likely go completely bonkers.

Is there any advice you could offer to either one or both of us?

Fragile in Ferndale

Dear Fragile,

Ummm, yeah.  How about don’t marry a person that makes you miserable.  Like, really.  Please don’t do that.  Can you promise Dharma you won’t marry this girl?  Promise me.

So… you know you have a say in all this, right?  Because, although I’m sorry for what you are going through, you have completely, 100%, chosen to be a victim of your own decisions, or lack thereof.

There are many situations in life where we become unwilling victims.  Job loss, rape, hurricanes, earth quakes, disease, airplane seating… You can see the difference between these things and your circumstances… non?

You are just a couple of months into this relationship – seriously, how great could it have been at the beginning (what, like 5 weeks ago?) that it’s got you all tied up like this?

You’ve already predicted your future and you’ve written yourself in as the protagonist of your own tragedy – does that sound like a smart move to you?  Is that the kind of person you want to be, my friend?

I’m not sure what factors you have going on that make you so fragile, but I can guarantee you will be a lot more so should you continue on with this relationship.

If you truly don’t think you can summon the courage and self-respect to get yourself out of this, I would implore you to seek outside counselling.  Or give me her phone number, and I’ll break up with her for you.

Dharma

angry-woman

 

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2 Comments

  • Time to leave bud says:

    End it. If you already know that a future in this relationship isn’t going to happen, end it. Two big reasons come to mind from my own experience.

    1 – you can miss out on being with the right person, while you’re with the wrong one.
    2 – you shouldn’t stay in a relationship for what it “could be” or for who the person “could be” if they changed. If being with them, exactly as they are, isn’t a future you want, then you should move on. If you’re willing to work on it, and they’re willing to work on it, then absolutely put the time into counselling, but that’s a two way street.

    I have stayed in a relationship and ignored warning signs that major changes would have to happen for a future to be possible. The relationship was worth putting in hard work, and we both tried our best, but even then it eventually didn’t work out. If you already know for sure that the future isn’t there, or you aren’t BOTH willing to put in hard work knowing that even then this might take years to change or might never change, then leave now – it’s not going to get easier to do, and you both deserve better.

  • Play the movie forward says:

    A couple months ago you started dating and you’re already seeing warning signs?? Get out now!! 8 weeks is a minor loss in a lifetime of future misery. If 8 weeks is already ‘fragile’ then go see a counselor now to figure out how to sever this relationship.

Whether you agree with Dharma or think she missed the mark on this one, leave a Comment!

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