That’s My Sister

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Dear Dharma,

I have been dating my boyfriend for about 6 months now and we are getting pretty serious. He has met my family and I’ve met his, etc. I had invited my sister to join us for dinner. It was just the three of us at my house. I came back from the washroom to find my sister laughing WAY too hard at my boyfriend’s jokes, twirling her hair, and playfully touching his shoulder.

She doesn’t just flirt with just anyone… She flirts with guys she finds attractive and wants to pursue. This continued throughout the night and got even worse. I almost became that girl that jumped up and clawed her eyes out for doing this.

My sister has always been the type of girl that guys worship. She could have anyone she wants. She has never done anything like this with one of my boyfriends before.

When she left, my boyfriend even said something about her behavior… That is was inappropriate! I feel so terrible. How do I address this?

Sister Problems

Dear Sister,

Ugh.

First off, good for you for not clawing her eyes out.  I can appreciate how much control that would have taken.

Secondly, it’s really good that you and your boyfriend are both on the same page about this.  Could have easily gone the other way with him blowing it off and making out like it was nothing.

So with that on your side, you now get the fun job of chatting with your sister.  You’ll want to stay calm, but serious.  I don’t think making it super light and breezy is the approach to take, but going through the roof won’t get you anywhere either.

Something like, “So, sister, this is an awkward thing for me to bring up, but the other night both Bob and I noticed that you were overly affectionate with him.  I’m sure you didn’t mean anything by it, but it made us both uncomfortable.  What was up with that?”

Be prepared for her to mostly deny it – and that’s okay, let her.  You will have succeeded in bringing it to her attention and letting her know that both you and your boyfriend are a united front.  She will also learn that you are willing to call her out on her behaviour.  That in itself should go a long way in preventing a repeat performance.

Dharma

fighting

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1 Comment

  • Anonymous says:

    Whoa! Thats crazy! Good on you for not freaking out on her right then and there. Is this something she has done before? I mean, sometimes people are just natural flirts. They aren’t even aware that they are doing it. But definitely say something!

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