The Birds and the Bees


Dear Dharma, 

I have an 11 year old daughter who seems to be 11 going on 18 these days. I’ve noticed her Instagram posts seem to be getting a little suggestive, and she’s always posting “selfies” with a provocative look on her face.

As much as I would love to laugh it off and say she’s being silly, it just seems to be what the girls her age are doing these days… which makes me wonder if this grown up activity goes beyond the screen of her cell phone. Her dad suggested it’s time I have “the talk” with her, but I’m totally at a loss as to how to handle it.

I picture her laughing and not taking it seriously, and me being horrified, left with some awkward book in my hand about the wonders of growing body hair. Help! Do you have any advice for a mom in dire need?

Birds and the Bees

Dear Birds,

My best piece of advice to you would be research.  Research, research, research.

Talking to your kids about sex can be a daunting thing, no doubt.  In order not to be caught in a situation where you’re feeling horrified and standing there with that great book in your hand, you need to figure out your communication style so that you can build up your confidence on this topic.

This is where the research comes in.  I’ll get you started with a few websites I found compliments of my good friend Google.  Try this one and this one and see if that gets you on your way.

I also don’t think this should be a one- time conversation, so dad’s suggestion about having “the talk”, while a good one, really should just be the beginning of an ongoing dialogue with your daughter.

Making sex an open conversation should be the goal, so that it doesn’t become the taboo thing everyone shrinks away from.  The more accessible the information is from a trusted source (mom and dad), the less they have to dig around for it.  Because what they find might not be exactly what you had in mind for them.

And it’s not just about sex, right?

It’s about teaching kids to be respectful about their bodies, particularly on social media.  Sure, it may be a provocative look on Instagram today, but what’s next?  Your girl needs to understand that once something’s out there, it’s there to stay, so she wants to be particular with what she shares, and with whom.

This article is worth a quick read, and I’d add this topic to my research list.

Hopefully this has you going in the right direction, and if any of Dharma’s readers out there have some thoughts they would like to share, we’d love to hear from you in the comment section below.




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1 Comment

  • Not there yet says:

    And that is why my 12 year old does not have a phone or instagram, Facebook, etc. It’s not that she is doing the faces inappropriately it’s more of what she sees in social media

Whether you agree with Dharma or think she missed the mark on this one, leave a Comment!

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