Fatal Attraction


Dear Dharma,

So, I’m pretty sure my husband is cheating on me.  He went from being home all the time, being super talkative and attentive, pretty much the all American husband to being totally emotionally distant and looking for excuses to not be available.  When I ask him why he just says that he’s stressed and tired from work and that work is busy.  I want to believe him but things just aren’t adding up.  My gut is telling me something is VERY wrong.

I’ve noticed some long blonde hairs on his jackets and sweaters. The other day when I was doing laundry I pulled one of his shirts and it smelled like it was doused in ladies perfume and it was definitely not my brand.  Now I’m pretty much just looking for some lipstick on a collar.

What do I do? If he is cheating we are done. No ifs, ands or buts. Do I call him on it? Do I just cut and run before things get ugly? Contact the divorce lawyer and have everything ready to go on a surprise attack?? Or…and this is my personal favorite…. do I hit him with a shovel?  (We all have that one girlfriend that has a tarp in the back of her vehicle and would ask no questions and give you an alibi.)  Okay, okay maybe that last one is a bit extreme…

Goodbye Earl

Dear Earl,

Don’t hit him with a shovel.  Let’s just start there, okay?

It’s hard to give you a clear cut path here, because so much of this will be based on the type of person you are.

For example, how much proof do you actually need to make a decision, regardless of what it is? Everything you say sounds pretty convincing that what  your gut is telling you is correct, but do you need more than that to move on?  Like actual, tangible proof?

At bare minimum, I think a conversation is in order.  Tell him you’ve noticed a lot of things lately that concern you and that being stressed and tired from work doesn’t account for the blonde hair and perfume on his clothing…  Be blunt in letting him know your suspicions and implore him to be honest with you, because adding further dishonesty at this junction will be crippling.

His response is going to dictate the next move, right?  He’s either going to lie, which leaves you no further ahead than you are now, or he’s going to come clean…  If he comes clean, you’ve already determined your course of action.  If he lies, and you know he’s lying, well, then you’re going to have to rely on your gut and treat it as though it’s truth.

My stomach hurts for you.  Good luck.



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1 Comment

  • not so much says:

    I got a say this one kinda made me laugh. The hair and the perfume doesn’t really mean anything. (I am a female by the way) Not a man making excuses. I just find her reasons are not very real. Seen him on action ! Boy that is real ! A text. A phone call, a friend telling you his been caught. But hair strange behavior and some cheap perfume can be from the skytrain, the bus, the extra hug from a friend. It could be soooo many things. Why are you thinking the worst ? I feel like there is more to the story I would never think my partner cheated on me with those signs.
    Good luck,

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