The Numbers Game


Dear Dharma,

Do you know that scene from the movie “What’s Your Number?” where a group of girls are at a party and they are talking about their “number”, as in how many guys they’ve hit the bed with?

Dharma… does that number really matter?

Pick a Number, Any Number

Dear Number,

I don’t know that particular movie, but the scene that comes to mind for me is from Friends with Monica and Richard.  He asks for “the number” and she won’t tell him. He says he doesn’t need to know the exact number, just a ballpark.  Her response is that it’s definitely less than a ballpark…! Ahahaha, those crazy Friends…  I miss them.

So your question – does that number really matter?

This might sound stereotypical, but I think the perceived importance of this number directly correlates to age.  In your 20’s (again, I’m generalizing) this number takes on a higher significance than it does when you’re into your 30’s and beyond.  Insecurities tend to run a lot higher when you’re younger, right?  A lot more importance and judgement gets attached to “conquests”, yet interestingly that judgement swings both ways.

A woman who has slept with a ballpark of guys is regarded as a slut, yet if the number is too low, she gets slammed for not putting out. And for men? Well, a very different criteria exists…

So, really – what gets accomplished in counting?

Personally I don’t think this number should matter, but that’s just me.  It is what it is, and I think neither pride nor shame should be attached to it.

Honestly, I don’t think the question should even be asked.  How many people you’ve slept with, what they looked like, how good they were – gawd! These types of comparisons are just designed to breed and perpetuate the self-doubt already lingering oh so close to the surface in every single one of us… and I’m thinking why?  Why do this to ourselves?  Isn’t it just as easy… not to?

As in, isn’t it just easier to exercise the restraint required to not ask the questions and to simply respect that our partners have a past that doesn’t have to be our business?

A certain type of peace comes from not focusing on this kind of stuff, and in not assigning importance to it, you’ll have answered your own question!

SURVEY SAYS = It doesn’t matter.  🙂



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  • CG says:

    I totally agree with you Dharma, if the “number” is a problem, it’s yours not hers!

  • Joe Cool says:

    More important numbers are how many nice things has she said about you when you aren’t around, how often does she say “I love you”, how many true friends can she count on. These are some numbers that mean something.

    Don’t sweat the little things pal, there are too many thing that really matter to be concerned with.

Whether you agree with Dharma or think she missed the mark on this one, leave a Comment!

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