Blame it on the Alcohol

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Dear Dharma,

Thank you so much for all of your wonderful advice. You’ve helped me out in the past and I come to you again, this time out of deep concern for my friend.

Whenever we get together we usually go out for dinner or drinks. Pretty common stuff. But almost every time without fail, the evening ends with me pouring him into a cab since he’s too drunk to get himself home on his own. Some of these incidents are on ‘school’ nights (ie, he works the next day).

We’re both in our 30’s so I feel like he should have grown out of this type of behaviour, or at least curtailed it a bit. During our conversations he tells me about other drinking adventures as well so I’m thinking he may have a problem, but it’s pretty clear that he doesn’t see anything wrong with his drinking habits.

Am I out of line? Should I say something to him? I really care about him and don’t want him to spiral down any more, but I also don’t want to ruin a great friendship.

Please help!
‘Pour’ Judgement

Dear Pour,

First off, thanks for the kind words! I’m so glad Dharma has been of use, and fingers crossed for a repeat performance.

So… my first question.  Has your friend suffered any consequences from his current lifestyle?  Has he been fired from him job?  Any issues with DUI’s?  Medical problems?

My guess is no – otherwise you would have mentioned it – so I’m going to proceed as if that is the case.

You say you don’t want him to spiral down “any more”, which makes me ask another question… any more than what?  Based on everything you’ve said, he doesn’t consider there to be any spiraling happening in the first place.  In fact, so far it seems like you are the only one unhappy about this current set of circumstances.

I get that this behavior seems problematic, but until it actually presents itself as such, I don’t know if there’s much you can say about it.  I mean, you can always try a line like, “Wow, if I drank like that on a regular basis, you’d find me on the floor!  How do you make it to work every day?”

Otherwise, I guess just live and let live until you have more to work with than you currently do.  Which is lame, I know…

Dharma

 

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