Rock and Roll All Night



Dear Dharma,

First off, love your blog!

I’m in my 20’s and still quite close with a group of high school friends. We live in different cities now but still close enough to drive down for a birthday or a long weekend.

I’m starting my career now but most of my friends are still in university, which is fine! The only problem is they still party like they’re in university. So any birthday or long weekend usually involves quite a bit of hair-holding on my part.

I like to party just as much as the next girl, but getting blackout drunk every weekend is a bit excessive, right? I have tried to suggest alternate things we could do together but then get labeled as a buzz kill.

How can you tell when it’s time to move on or if I should just grin and bear it? I still care about my friends but I feel like I’m not interested in the same activities anymore.

Friends Forever?

Dear Forever,

First off, thank you for loving Dharma!  🙂

The reason your friends still party like they’re in university is because they’re still in university.  They think you’re a buzz kill because you’ve matured ahead of them.  That’s not a judgement call, it’s a fact.

You have a career.  They’re living in dorms.  You say that’s fine, but it’s actually the crux of the problem, non?  You are in a completely different place than they are and that’s why you feel you’re not interested in the same activities anymore.  Because you’re not.

But here’s the good news… it’s just for right now.  Because they too will be starting careers in the near future, and it won’t be rock n’ roll all night and part of everyday (seriously, I’m sad for those who don’t get the reference) and you may well grow together again.

Which leads to more good news!  You only gave yourself two options – cut and run, or suck it up. But Super Secret option 3 is to not do either.

If what your friends are doing right now isn’t your jam anymore, then just don’t do it.  Find solid sounding reasons to avoid these types of outings and bide your time until you find you have more in common again.  Still keep in touch by text and other social media avenues and be there when needed for the real things, but otherwise pull back just a little and avoid the things you don’t want to do – like the hair holding.

By handling it this way, I feel certain that things will work themselves out in a very organic manner and you’ll get to dodge the bullet on making the soul crushing decision as you’ve outlined above.



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1 Comment

  • Rob says:

    I think Dharma is right, and you will find that some high school people drift away, but the occasional one will stick with you forever. Well maybe not forever, but for a long time. The things that teenage you had in common with teenage them probably don’t even exist anymore, so you need to find new commonalities, hopefully beyond being a good hair holder!

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