Three’s Company – Of A Different Variety



Dear Dharma,

How do we all feel about threesomes? I have a secret curiousity about being in one and am finding the more I think about it that more I want to try it. I say secret because I’ve been with my spouse for a couple years now and I’ve not mentioned the topic to the man ever.

Based on movies and general conversation with the male species, it seems like most men would jump at this idea – if it was with another girl…for the most part. But I’m nervous, what if he doesn’t? What if he judges me or thinks I’m trying to have an affair or something like that… which isn’t the case, I just have this idea that I can’t get out of my head.

How do I best deal with this fantasy?

Miss Kinky

Dear Miss Kinky,

Well. I’m trying to decide which of your questions to tackle first, as you’ve given me quite a bit to work with!

Firstly, it doesn’t matter how we all feel about threesomes, it matters how you and your partner feel about them.  At this point, you’ve recognized it’s something that’s piqued your interest and now you need to determine where your guy stands.

Yup, you’re right – on TV, guys always come off like they’re down for it, if it’s with two women, so if that’s your proposal, you might be in luck… but you haven’t actually said what your preference is – another man, or another woman.

So you’ll need to determine that first, just so you’re clear within yourself.

Ack! Now what…

Bringing it up with your man is the next step, and it’s okay that you’re nervous – completely understandable!

I would suggest approaching the subject when you are both relaxed and the mood is… relevant… if you catch my drift… cuddling in bed, everyone’s happy…

And then just ask if it’s something he’s ever thought about.  Guaranteed he’ll say yes, because, well… because he has!  Ask him to tell you about it, what his fantasies are, how it would all work.  That way you’ll be able to get an idea as to what his preferences are in the male/female department.

By keeping it about just “thoughts” at the beginning, you don’t have to worry about him judging you – it’s not like you’re starting off by saying, “I want to do this!” – you’re saying you’ve thought about it, fantasized about it… just like he has.

I think the conversation will progress organically from there, non?

If you’re comfortable with it, feel free to come back and drop us a line!  I’m sure a lot of readers would be interested to see what comes of this…



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Categories: Advice, Dating, Relationships, Sex

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