Woolly Bully

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Dear Dharma,

I’ve noticed lately that people seem to be shying away from me or being hesitant to ask me questions. I’m having trouble making friends and conversations with coworkers and they have made some remarks about my attitude here and there.

I think I’m turning into a bully! How can I stop? I feel the answer should be simple, just stop….but I get frustrated with people so easily.

Bully in Training?

Dear Bully,

You know what they say about problems, right?  Identifying them is half the battle in solving them, and it sounds like you are on the right track.

You’ve noticed people’s reaction to you, which shows you do have sensitivity to what’s going on around you, and you want to make changes, which shows great intentions.

The one missing piece is working out why you allow yourself to get frustrated so easily.

There are some people who just don’t suffer fools well, you may be one of them, but that still doesn’t make it okay to behave like a bully.  I know you know that, that’s why you’ve even bothered reaching out.

So start by assessing your trigger points.  Is it more common for you to get frustrated when you’re hungry, tired, cold, hot, thirsty?  What about when you are interrupted or deep in thought?

Knowing your own buttons is immensely helpful is changing behaviours, as it helps you get in front of them rather than being a victim to them.

Once you’ve identified them, start putting some strategies in place.  For example, if you’re at your worst when you haven’t eaten for hours, start carrying snacks and eating more regularly.  If being interrupted is a hot spot, develop some mantra that you turn into a knee jerk reactive thought… “Interruptions are just part of life, interruptions are just part of life…”

These are just surface suggestions for you to investigate.  If you think your negative reactions to people run deeper than this, I might suggest a few sessions with a therapist.  Never a bad thing to talk it out, right?

Because after all, the world is filled with people – seriously, they’re everywhere! – and getting this under control is a win-win, both for you and those around you.

Dharma

 

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