The Runaway Bride

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Dear Dharma,

I need help! Like yesterday ūüôĀ

I am currently engaged to my BF of 6 years and if you told me last year we would not get married I would have been heartbroken. But now… I WANT OUT! My wedding is just 4 weeks away and I am not sure what happened but I don’t want to go through with it. My fianc√© did nothing wrong, nothing major happened but I am almost throwing up at the idea of getting married now.

Our life is simply perfect and I know I would be a fool throwing it away but I just can’t!! He has no idea I feel this way, he is actually so sweet and keeps telling me every day that he can’t wait… while I sit there, smile and die on the inside.

I have thought this through a million times. Is there any way I can call this off without destroying my life?

He will hate me, his family will hate me, my family will hate me, everyone who has booked their tickets to travel will hate me… I think I¬†might need to go into witness protection and start all over without my friends and family if I do this. Help…

Saying No to the Dress

Dear No to the Dress,

Because I don’t know you, it’s hard to say exactly what’s going on here, but it sounds ‚Äď it sounds a little like cold feet.

Dharma will always be the first to say leave an unhappy relationship. ¬†She’ll question, push and prod you til you hate her for it should you continue to stay in an unhappy relationship well past what’s reasonable. ¬†She can be quite the pain in the butt on this topic, because watching people be unhappy when they have a choice in the matter is infuriating to Dharma.

Except…

You’re not in an unhappy relationship. ¬†Which you already know.

Everything in your letter shouts cold feet… “Our life is simply perfect…”, “My fianc√© did nothing wrong”, “I would be a fool throwing it all away…”

And yes, I know, right now you’re screaming “IT’S NOT COLD FEET, GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!!” ¬†Dharma giving you a version of ‚ÄúOh come now, you‚Äôre just nervous!‚ÄĚ harshly contradicts what you are feeling right now, which is a double shot of panic and a big chaser of paralyzing fear.

So before you do something drastic, like calling everything off and shattering a whole lot of things, you know, like your life, I need you to do something for me. ¬† I need you to find a counselor stat. ¬†Yes, that’s right, I’m going to flake out and push you into the arms of another. ¬†I am begging you to go get some actual counselling while you’ve still got time.

Because if you are going to call it off anyway, does it matter whether that’s with 4 weeks to go or 2 weeks?

No, it really doesn’t.

So do yourself and everybody else a favour and dig in deep on this one.¬† This is not a frivolous decision to make. ¬†You owe yourself full disclosure as to what’s going on here and I don’t know if you’ll ever forgive yourself if you don’t make the effort to fully understand what it is you are feeling right now.

I don‚Äôt care about him, his family, your family, the travellers or the goddamn caterers… you need to be able to live with this should you decide to pull the plug.

So make that phone call, book that appointment. ¬†Call a non-life threatening time sensitive emergency to get that meeting on the books. ¬†Once you’ve done that, take a look at these so that you have a bit of a head start.

https://www.theknot.com/content/dealing-with-cold-feet

https://www.thespruce.com/cold-feet-what-do-those-pre-wedding-jitters-really-mean-3490118

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/7-things-to-do-if-youre-getting-cold-feet-before-your-wedding_us_57b23ed8e4b0a8e15024ef54

Seriously ‚Äď wishing you the best of luck in figuring this out.

Dharma

 

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