What’s Too Old?



Dear Dharma,

I love your posts! Please keep ‘em comin’!

Now here’s my turn to ask a question. I went to a wine tasting last month and it was fabulous. Some family members were there and I hung out with my little sister for most of the night. At some point I saved a gentleman from stepping in an hor d’oeuvre and he we hit it off from there.

We’ve texted and have gone on a real date and I really like him. There’s one glitch though…  I don’t know how old he is and I’m afraid that he may be too old for me. Every time I think that, I hear “age is just a number” in my head and I’d really like to believe that, and feel that, but I just can’t shake the fear that he’s too old!

I’m 35 and so bad at estimating people’s ages that he could be anywhere from 37 to 52! I’ve made a couple of feeble attempts at finding out his age, but had no luck so far. How do I find out how old he is? Do I just straight up ask?

Thanks in advance,

Hesitant Ageist

Dear Hesitant,

I think my favorite part of all that was when you saved him from a cheese-y puff disaster…

I also enjoy that he could be 52, but maybe 37.  Seriously good genes should he actually be 52, but has you considering 37 as a possibility.

I also enjoy imagining your feeble attempts to secure his age… “So, hey, yeah…  NSYNC was a pretty big thing for me in my teens… how about you?”  And him saying “Nah, never did care for them, but thanks for asking!”

Dang!  Thwarted again.

So, yup – just straight up ask him… The next time there’s a lull in conversation (not a text, a real conversation!), say, “Hey, do you mind if I ask you a personal question?” and then just ask.

But here’s the thing.  As soon as you ask, should he be closer to 52 than 37, he’s going to ask if that’s a problem for you.  And you’re going to have to have some kind of answer, so you may want to take the time to figure out what’s “too old” for you.

Just be honest with yourself and don’t try to talk yourself into something if it doesn’t feel quite right.  It has to work for you – and if you push through when it doesn’t, you’ll be turning to Dharma with a whole new set of questions.

Would love to hear how this goes!



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