30 Again



Dear Dharma,

I have a milestone birthday later this year. Let’s just say I’m 30 again.

It feels like I am supposed make it a big deal but to be perfectly honest I don’t really care and I’m not entirely happy with where my relationship status ended up at this stage in my life.

Am I expected to celebrate it in some big way?

Just Another Birthday

Dear JAB,

Ahhh, 30 again… that’s not such a bad place to be, in the scope of things… one day it will be “80 again”, and you’ll look back on this and think what a pup you were.

If the main reason you aren’t into a big celebration this year is simply because you don’t care and genuinely see it as just another birthday, then I’d say fine!  You’re under no obligation to make a big deal out of something that isn’t.

Yet, there’s a swoosh of undercurrent here that is possibly the bigger picture.  It sounds like disappointment, fear of judgement, or even punishment… like you don’t deserve a birthday celebration because your status isn’t what you expected it to be.

Damn Disney

Dharma’s talked about this before in Blame It on Disney, the way we are set up to believe that everything just falls into place once we’re “adults”.  Then, in real life, when things go every which way but what we thought, we are left feeling as failures.

I’m catching a glimpse of that in your question, and if I’m right, then I would ask you to reconsider your reasoning.

I guess I’m saying do you want to let your sense of embarrassment colour how you move through life?  Especially – especially – because you have absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about!

Your friends don’t want to celebrate with you because you’re in a relationship/not in relationship, they want to celebrate milestones with you because they love you!

And I’ll ask you this – when you are 80 again, will you look back and wish you’d taken more opportunities to celebrate anything and everything along the way or will you be glad you dug in your heels and missed out on the party…

How about this… You promise Dharma you’ll dig into this a bit deeper and be open to the possibility of changing your mindset on this and Dharma promises she won’t send 30 pink flamingos to your front yard.




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