Too Late to Apologize?

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Dear Dharma,

Something has been weighing on my mind and I am not sure what to do.

Facebook has this function where it shows you friend recommendations and one I got was my very first boyfriend. Great guy, probably “the one” but I was a total hormonal teenage b*tch and completely destroyed his soul. He was the sweetest!

Once I got out of the crazy hormonal stage, I always regretted how I treated him but he had moved and I lost touch and was never able to apologize.

I kinda want to contact him on Facebook now and let him know how sorry I am for how I behaved back then.

Do you think that’s OK? What if that opens old wounds for him and I make him feels worse?

Looking Back

Dear LB,

Ah, Facebook, bringing people together every day, whether they want it or not.

Dharma’s answer really depends on what your true motivation is here.

If it’s simply to apologize, and nothing more, then I think it’s okay to send him a private message.  Not a Friend request, not a “Hey, hit me back if you want to chat!” kind of message, but just a reflective and genuine apology.

It sounds like this was a while back, so really, old wounds should be well healed over by now and you don’t stand much of chance of making things worse at this point.

I don’t think it’s ever too late to own bad behaviour and express regret.

However…  If you are secretly hoping for a reunion, or this has any other self-serving intent more than it sounds, then I would advise differently.

You don’t know where this guy is in his life (unless you’ve been creeping him – have you been creeping him?) and to jeopardize anything he has going on now would be completely unfair.

Would love to hear what you decide to do!

Dharma

 

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