Too Soon?



Dear Dharma,

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3 months now and it’s been great! We haven’t talked about marriage but have talked about going on vacation during the winter, etc.

How do I ask the dreaded make or break relationship question, “Where is this going?” I’m not in my twenties anymore and would like to know if I have to move on if he doesn’t see marriage in the future. But I also love being with him and don’t want to lose him.

Is 3 months too early to ask?

Still Not the Bride

Dear Not the Bride,

Every guy in the world just cringed.

I’ll cut right to the chase and just answer your question.


90 days into a new relationship is too soon.  Full stop.

The use of the word “still” in your sign off name speaks volumes as to your state of mind, and that’s probably the most important thing to address here.

Look, I’m not advocating staying endlessly in a relationship that isn’t going anywhere, far from it.  It’s just that at 3 months in, you two don’t even know each other!

I know, I know, it feels like you do, and everything is great right now – because it’s supposed to be!  It’s supposed to be rainbows and butterflies and planning that first trip together.  It’s an awesome start and you’re definitely on the right track.

But breathe, okay?

I honestly feel that most people don’t even start behaving completely like themselves for at least 6 months into a relationship.

I mean, it’s not an exact science or anything, so please don’t jump up my butt for using that formula, but come on, you don’t agree at least a little bit with that theory?

Months 6 – 12 are much more of a true reflection of how well you work together as a couple, or even if you still want to be a couple.

So how about you just enjoy how things are going for the next little while, get that first trip under your belt (man oh man, you learn a lot about someone when you travel together!) and maybe touch base with me once you’ve unpacked, okay?

My guess is you’ll already have your answer by then.



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