All By Myself

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Dear Dharma, 

I’m a 20 year old guy, and I have been with my girlfriend for about a year.  Lately, like over the past month or two, I am starting to get the feeling like she is too controlling of my time.  We don’t live together, but we meet up after work almost every day, and she comes with me most weekends when I drive home to see my parents because I know she wants to spend time with me, and she and my folks get along great.

But lately it all seems to not be enough.  I like to spend time on my own too, not like a “guy’s night” but just on my own.  If I try to get a few hours to myself, she says I don’t love her.  If I want a whole day, that means I must hate her for some reason.

It’s making me really unhappy and I feel like I resent not having time to myself. I have asked other people what to do, and gotten unhelpful answers like do things you both like to do together, or what’s wrong with you, don’t you like her anymore?

I hope you can help – please give me your thoughts on this.

All by Myself

Dear Myself,

As I wrap my leftovers with a nice piece of saran wrap, I am reminded of your girlfriend.

Clingy is what comes to mind, if you didn’t catch the reference.

I’m interested in what has changed in your relationship in just the last month, because it sounds like this is something new… which is actually a good thing.  If things had been like this since the beginning it would be more daunting to unravel.

So there’s your starting point.  Address what might have changed.  “Honey, I’ve noticed lately that the way we spend our time together is different.  You seem more bothered if I need a little time to myself, and that’s unlike you.  Why do you think that is?”

And then be open to her answers, even if you don’t like them.

Things like “you don’t love me” and “you must hate me” if you aren’t with me 24/7 ring of immaturity and insecurity…  Are you positive these are new characteristics?

Because there’s nothing wrong with having time to yourself.  In fact, it’s healthy.  In contrast with being suffocated, which clearly is not healthy…

Do get to the bottom of this, my friend, before her words become a self- fulfilling prophecy – you know, where you actually don’t love her anymore and kinda do start hating her…  Which happens sometimes when you can no longer breathe…

But wait!  There’s more!!

Now that you’ve read Dharma’s answer, you need to go and check out Dave & Kat to see what they said about this exact same question!

Dharma, Dave & Kat are having a little fun together this week, so all Q & A’s will be addressed in both forums.

Just click here and go listen now!

Dharma

 

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