Let’s Stay Friends!

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Dear Dharma,

I love your site! Keep up the good work! 🙂

You know when you break up with someone and you both say, “Let’s stay friends!” and you do… sort of. On Facebook and Instagram, anyway…

The thing is, sometimes I feel a bit awkward having ex-boyfriends on social media, especially when they comment or like a post of mine, but I have mixed feelings about unfriending them.

I also wonder, when I do get a new boyfriend, will they have a problem with me staying friends with exes? And if they do have a problem with it, isn’t that really their problem, not mine?

Oh, and another question, if/when I do unfriend a former boyfriend, should I send them a note explaining why? Or just ‘cold turkey’ them?

Thanks a bunch in advance!
Insta’ etiquette

Dear Insta,

I don’t know if it’s proper etiquette for Dharma to start with a side note, but being Friends with someone on Facebook and Instagram isn’t actually… staying friends.  It’s more like staying vaguely connected via the thin threads of the cyber world…

Posting the contents of your life on social mediums that allow others to Like and comment means you need to be open to others Liking and commenting. Particularly those you’ve invited to do so, which is everybody on your Friends list.

If you feel awkward having your exes on social media, then simply don’t do it.  Because, as stated above, you’re not really friends anymore if these are the only ties that bind, and you have no obligation to stay connected this way.

Should you write them a note explaining why you’ve Unfriended them?  No.  I feel confident they will figure it out and keep on keeping on.

The question of whether a new boyfriend would have a problem with you staying friends with an ex – I mean, actually staying friends – feels like a question we would handle in an article all by itself… but since you threw it in…

Any person who dictates the terms of your relationships with other people (in absence of abuse) is no one I would encourage you to swap spit with.  It’s controlling, manipulative, and controlling.

If you find yourself in that situation, please feel free to hit Dharma back and we’ll go into it further at that time.  Otherwise, I think I’ve covered off on all your questions!

Dharma

 

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