When You’re in Love With a Beautiful Woman

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Dear Dharma, 

So here’s what it is: I have a lovely wife, both personality and physically.  She is my ideal woman, and we have a great relationship.  Except for one thing, and I want to know if I am making too much of it like she tells me.  

When I say she is lovely, I mean model beautiful (at least to me, and anyone would say attractive).  She catches people’s eyes when we go out, and she is often the recipient of flirtatious and bantering comments from both strangers and men in our circles, single or not so single.

It didn’t bother me much at first, but recently I find I am getting upset to the point of ending our evening early and going home.  I tried talking to her, but she says it is nothing new, and I am overreacting.

So, am I overreacting or not?  If not, how do I get across the idea that something needs to change, and if I AM, how do I make myself deal with it?

Out of My League?

Dear League,

As Dharma often does, she turned to the musical catalogue stored within her head and pulled out two great ones that seem to fit well.

If You Wanna Be Happy (for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife) and When You’re in Love with a Beautiful Woman (you know it’s hard).

Sorry if either of those gets stuck in your head forever more…

Judging by the fact that you’re married, you’ve been together for a while, a couple of years probably. Interesting that it’s only starting to bother you now…

What changed?

Has something happened in your relationship, or in your life that makes you feel less secure?  A job loss, a physical change you’re worried about, anything?

You may have to dig a little to get to the root, but getting this under control should be a priority.

Simply telling your wife you’re bothered she gets attention based on her looks and expecting her to be able to do something in any constuctive way that would satisfy you is… mlah – it’s ineffective.

There’s nothing she can do about it – can we agree on that much?  It’s important we can, because you say in your question that if you’re not overreacting, then “something needs to change”.  Indicating that change has to come from her…

I wish we could chat in person so you could better explain what that change would look like.

Whether or not you are overreacting is irrelevant and it’s dismissive for either one of you to simply label your feelings as such and then move on.  If something is upsetting you, whether or not it’s fully justified, the end result is still the same.  Upset is upset.

If you are not able to figure out why this suddenly has become an issue for you, I would encourage you to speak with a professional.  Nothing good comes from letting things fester, right?

Dharma

 

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