Dating Debut

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Dear Dharma,

I am at the point in my life where I want to start dating. Nowadays, I feel like the movies aren’t really relevant to today’s dating world. Hollywood seems to think that you eye gaze across a room at a restaurant, on a bus, or on the street to meet the love of your life.

This is not how it is in the real world by any means! If a guy came up to a girl to ask her to go for coffee or her number IN PERSON, a girl would blow him off because he’s coming off as “creepy” or “too eager”. No guy ever does this anymore. I feel like they’ve all been scared off.

How else are you supposed to meet people? I don’t want to do the online dating thing like everyone else. So many horror stories and it just seems not right to me. Any tips on how to get out there?

Reluctant in Riversdale

Dear Reluctant,

Whaaat?  Whaddaya mean, that’s not how it works.  I don’t believe you.  I don’t want to believe you!

Just kidding. For the record, I totally agree with you and am glad you’ve already come to this realization.  I mean, it’s not like those scenarios couldn’t happen, it’s just a good idea not to pin all your hopes and dreams on that being a sure thing.

I hear you when you say that the online thing is not your shtick, but I don’t know if we should rule it out completely.  Maybe let’s circle back after we’ve looked at some other options.

Not knowing how old you are or the type of community you live in, my suggestions will lean towards to the big picture and then you’ll have to tighten things up to your specific situation.

Tell People

I know it seems obvious, but make sure the folks in your sphere know you are ready and open to dating.  Sometimes people don’t want to suggest an introduction for fear of offending.  You know, with people being so easily offended these days.  They may not want to imply there’s anything wrong with being single, so they just side step it all together.

So make sure they know and give them a bit of info as to the type of person you are looking for.

Volunteer

Cliché?  Maybe.  But who cares.  I honestly can’t recommend this enough.  And it’s a win-win no matter how it works out.

There are so many organizations out there looking for good people, so at the base level, you’ll be doing a good thing.  There’s your first win.  When you’re deciding where to put your time, look at establishments that create group situations, as opposed to one on one scenarios, or being tucked away in a back office.  Groups that do fund raising events are fantastic, as they open you up to new experiences and a whole slew of new people.

And the second win?  If you meet someone, you already have tons in common and you know that they have similar moral coding to yours.  Win-win.

Be Open

In general, you need to have an open attitude.  Ignore these so-called “horror stories” you mention.  I mean, safety first, of course… but a bad date is not the end of the world.  At worst, it’s a good story.  (Gawd, I’ve got a lot of great stories…)

Get chatty at the grocery store.  Make a bit of eye contact when you’re out and about.  Be receptive to connecting with people.  Be brave and try new things…

Bringing us to…

Online Dating

Okay.  If it truly makes your skin crawl, don’t do it.  I’m just saying, if it was me?  I wouldn’t even hesitate.

In 50 First Dates I refer to it as a numbers game.  Unromantic and straightforward, but effective.  Check it out for a refresher.

I’m just saying.

Hope some of this helps, and if Dharma’s lovely readers have any suggestions they’d like to bring forward, the comments section below is reserved just for you!

Dharma

 

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