Five Stages of Grief

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Dear Dharma,

I’ve been married for 6 years and have 2 beautiful children.

Lately I’ve been having some suspicions about my husband so I went digging. On the one hand I’m glad I did because now I know the truth but on the other hand I wish I hadn’t so we still had our perfect little life.

I thought he was having an affair but it turned out to be a much bigger issue than that and now I don’t know how to move forward.

My husband feels that he is a woman and I feel utterly betrayed. Why did he waste 6 years of my life?! What about the kids? What does this mean for our family who has now been ripped apart because of him?

There’s obviously no coming back from this as a couple and I’m devastated. How do I protect and help my children through this? So many questions!

Wiped Out Wife

Dear Wiped Out,

If you are not acquainted with the five stages of grief, I’d like to suggest that as a starting place.

Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance – not as a linear path, but more as a concept…

Because that is what you are going though, and rightfully so…  The marriage you thought complete and perfect just unravelled, and you are grieving that loss. I’m so sorry.   

You’ve moved past denial and are now solidly planted in anger.  It’s all over your letter, and that’s understandable.

I wish I knew a bit more – like if your husband knows you know, and if so, how he’s wanting to handle things going forward, and about a million other things.

It always feels like the lame way out, but I strongly advise you to find a counsellor to help you and your family through this.

Because at the end of the day, your husband is still your family and you will be co-parenting with him for many years to come.  Finding workable solutions for the both of you is imperative for your two little ones.

While your anger is, again, entirely understandable, I implore you to put yourself in your husband’s shoes.  This realization couldn’t have been easy for him, knowing all along what the stakes were – his wife and his children.  This isn’t something he is taking lightly, you can be guaranteed of that.

Waste no time in putting together a support system – and please, take care of yourself as you weave your way through this maze of broken glass.

Dharma

 

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