Showers of Happiness



Dear Dharma,

My best friend is having a baby in 3 months and I am in charge of organizing the baby shower. We are having a non-traditional shower and inviting men so that her husband can be there to enjoy the festivities as well.

My only problem is that she has a lot of out of town family and friends. I’m unsure of the etiquette when it comes to inviting them. I don’t want them to feel obligated if they aren’t able to make it.

I also am footing the bill for the majority of this. It’s not going to be much – just sandwiches and tea. I don’t want the guest list to get out of control. What should I do??

Jack and Jill

Dear Jack… or Jill,

Not that this is what you wrote in for, but I beg you to reconsider just sandwiches and tea.  If you are short on money, see if you can enlist some help from other guests and make it more of a potluck.  When you throw a shower that involves men, a Jack and Jill shower, it turns into more of a party than a baby shower.

And food is important at a party.  Read The Entertainer for a refresher.

In regards to the guest list, typically the guest of honour supplies this to the friend throwing the shower.  If she hasn’t in this case, ask her!  She’ll tell you who she wants to invite, thus eliminating the mystery of what to do.

Let the people who live out of town decide whether or not they want to attend.  If they show out of obligation, that’s their choice and not anything you need to worry about.  They’re grown-ups.

In regards to the guest list getting out of control, that’s a bit of a risk you take when you agree to host this type of event.  However, it’s more than okay to let your friend know that you are comfortable hosting only up to a certain number of people due to space restrictions, etc.  If she’s a good friend, she’ll respect that.

And again, don’t feel embarrassed to reach out to some of the guests (her mother, sister, cousin) and share a bit of the load.  People are almost always happy to help out if you give them the opportunity.



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  • Just saying says:

    Perhaps she just meant to say as a sample of the food she will give. Perhaps she didn’t want to go in detail with the pastries, the cake, the pocackes, the wine for those not pregnant and the beer for the male guest. When she said “sandwiches” perhaps she meant it as a Hamburgers, hot dogs, the subs, and of course the salad, fruit and veggies tray, pasta, sushi and the endless chips and pretzel tray. Oh and of course the cheese and crackers. She was just on a rush and don’t want to spend too much time listing the proper food for you BEST FRIEND !

    • Dharma says:

      Hey there, Just Saying! Thanks for the comment… although I’ll admit to not fully understanding the end game of where you were going with this… 🙂

      My understanding of the LW’s meaning of sandwiches and tea was that she was on a limited budget and was not planning on doing much more than… sandwiches and tea.

      Of course, the LW may have been planning on something more like the delicious spread you’ve listed above, but then that would conflict directly with her concerns of going over budget…

      Again, thanks for the comment!

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