Heartbreak Hotel

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Dear Dharma,

I’ve been in a relationship with this guy for years, even though our parents didn’t want us to be together. We loved each other so much that we couldn’t even consider the thought of getting separated from each other; he always promised his undying love, care and affection to me.

But then he went out of town and we barely communicated with each other. I was always the one hell-bent on keeping in touch and most times when I call he would offer one excuse or the other for not calling or texting me.

I tried to understand his plight and took no offence at his behavior; I was so in love with him. Two weeks ago, I got a call from him late in the night and I was elated! All the doubts I had about his feelings for me vanished when he said he was coming back to see me.

What happened afterwards shocked me out of my senses… he came home just as he promised but then he said he had already found the one for him and that she has met his parents and they love her!

Just like that he broke my heart and left me in an emotional mess. I don’t know how to go on with my life without him; I don’t know where to start from!

Broken Hearted Mess

Dear Mess,

You know, I read your letter, and my stomach hurts for you.  Because so many of us have been exactly where you are now – I certainly have – and can absolutely relate to what you are going through.

Sadly, Dharma doesn’t have any magic words for you, nothing that’s going to make this all okay in a single stroke.

It’s a process, fueled mainly by time. And that sucks, because nobody wants to spend even a single moment feeling the way you do right now.

Your first point of focus needs to be on getting through each and every day until it hurts a little less.  And it will.  It will be a slow and ugly process, but then one day you won’t feel quite so bad.  And then a few days later, you will feel a tiny bit better again, and so on and so forth until you get through this eye of the needle called heartbreak.

So that’s where you start from… ground zero.  Spill your guts to your closest girlfriend or your main support person, cry your eyes out, eat ice cream while listening to the cheesiest songs that make you bawl on the best of days, cry some more… and then…

Make the decision to start the healing process.  It won’t be easy, it will take some discipline, but it’s the next step.

Resist going over and over all of it in your head.  There aren’t any answers that are going to make you feel any better, and actually, the more you replay it, the longer the healing process.  And you don’t want to drag this out, right?

Also, I don’t know how big of a role social media plays in your life, but push away the temptation to stalk him online.  I know you want to, and I’m just saying, nothing good will come from it.  The goal here is to heal, not to keep aggravating the wound.

Make sure to eat, not just ice cream.  Make sure to shower.  And try to keep your home on the clean-ish side.  Sounds silly, right?  No, it isn’t.  Read this.  Cinnamon Sunrise might be my new favorite thing – I was wow’d by how down to earth and real this advice is, and how “do-able” she makes it all sound.  It’s definitely something that can help.  Read it.

Right now I know you can’t even imagine being on the other side of this heartache.  But will you trust me, will you believe me when I say that one day you will feel normal again?  It’s out there, you just can’t see it today…

Sending strong thoughts your way… and a nasty rash to him.

Dharma

 

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