She Wants to Gush, Regardless of Boundaries

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Dear Dharma,

This cool dude has been coming around my office for some time now and then we got talking and became good friends. I find myself so attracted to him due to his smooth ways and charm but I can’t summon the courage to make my feelings known because he told me he’s not interested in having a relationship now due to the number of heartbreaks he suffered in the past.

I can’t get him off my mind and sometimes when I catch him staring at me I think he also feels something for me but then he has never suggested anything about his emotions.

He is going travelling soon and I’m undecided about what to do. I like him so much and I am tempted to gush out my feelings for him right away but I’m holding back because he said in clear terms that he wasn’t interested in a relationship yet.

I’m at a loss for what to do! I really want to be a special person to him!

Is it Now or Never?

Dear Never,

I know.  I know you want me to say, “Do it, do it! Tell him how you feel!”

Sorry, though, I just can’t.  As much as I love spontaneous bursts of gushy feelings, I don’t think it’s a good idea.

Dharma is big on pushing people to set boundaries for themselves, and in this case this guy has clearly done that with  you and that needs to be respected.  It goes both ways, non?  Right now, all the talk is about respecting women’s boundaries – but really, shouldn’t that just be “people’s” boundaries?

Also, what would be gained right now by telling him how you feel if he’s going away travelling?  Nothing.  Except potentially pushing him away because you decided your feelings were more important to express than being considerate of where he is at right now.

Look, maybe he’s into you, maybe he’s not.  If he is, he will for sure let you know when he’s ready.  Let that ball stay in his court instead of forcing this on him.  Your patience will either pay off or it won’t.  If it doesn’t, at least you’ll know it wasn’t because of an inappropriate action you took, right?

Dharma

 

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2 Comments

  • Agreed, if someone says they aren’t interested in a relationship, it’s generally best to steer clear of saying you want to be in a relationship with them!

    • Dharma says:

      Agreed! And I do think it’s an important point that the rules apply both ways, even though all we hear in the media these days is about men disrespecting boundaries… It has to go both ways!

      Thanks for chiming in, Suzie!

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