Has Scrooge Got a Valid Point?



Dear Dharma,

So it’s getting to be the holiday season, and we are supposed to be all kind and happy and like that.

Well, I would be except for my brother in law.  My wife’s brother is some kind of marketing genius (his words) and makes lots of money.

The problem is all the time when there is a party or a big family dinner (my wife has another sister) it’s never him who steps up.  I don’t mind hosting, we have a large house, and my sister in law has also hosted once or twice.  Brother in law?  Not even once!

And they have a bigger house than us! It is really starting to annoy me to the point that I don’t want to even have a Christmas dinner.

I don’t want to be the Scrooge, but how can I get him to pick up his share of the hosting?

Scrooge or Not

Dear Scrooge,

A pebble.

That’s what comes to mind here.  A pebble in a shoe.

You know how it is.  You’re walking along and you get this little tiny pebble in your shoe and you think, “Meh, not so bad, I can soldier on.”

An hour later?  Phhht, an hour, how about 10 minutes later, and it’s making you crazy!

A teeny little problem that only gets bigger with time. That, my dear Scrooge, is what we’re talking about here.

So… has anyone ever stepped up and asked BIL to host?  Weird as it may sound, it may not even have occurred to him to offer, what with all the sisters taking it on each and every time.

You know, I’m gonna go out on a limb and say that no one has ever approached him with this, because I’m fairly confident you would have included that in your rant.  I’m also gonna say that I don’t think you much like your BIL, but that’s another question for another day, right?

So there is your starting point, 100%.  Have either your wife or her sister (or both of them) say something like, “Hey favorite brother of mine/ours!  We’re hoping you’re up for hosting Christmas this year!  Tell us what we can do to help!”

Guy’s not a mind reader, so ask of him what you want, and you may be pleasantly surprised.  Simply complaining about it will only get you the same results you’ve been getting year after year.

Don’t let the pebble turn into a boulder, I guess is what I’m saying…


p.s. don’t forget about Dharma’s draw for a $25 Starbucks card!


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  • Who comes up with all these ‘we need to take turns hosting’ etc. things? If you don’t want to host, then don’t. If you do, then do. It’s not meant to feel like an obligation! It’s meant to be fun!

    • Dharma says:

      Hello there Suzie! While I do agree that it’s meant to be fun, and should be done in the spirit of giving, I do also think there should be some form of reciprocation in ALL relationships… not necessarily a tit for tat straight exchange, but where all parties involved make a contribution to the overall balance of a relationship…

      I think the main thing here is communication. So often people don’t just say what they want and then work it out from there… Seems it’s easier to gripe, doesn’t it…

      Thanks for your comment!

  • […] And what’s also fun is that I can pretty much give you the same advice I gave Scrooge yesterday. […]

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