When Wedding Gets all Smashed Up

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Dear Dharma,

I got engaged recently to the man of my dreams. And since then everything has been a merry ride starting from his show-stopping proposal that almost made me swoon with delight, my gorgeous engagement ring and yeah breathtaking wedding dress which I got at a sinful price!

My fiancé is well-off and this much is obvious with the way he spends on me. I have always bragged to my friends and family on how I’m going to have the wedding of the year and I have already made great plans to that effect.

The bad news came two weeks ago when my dream wedding was only a month and some weeks away, my fiancé lost his job paying him six figures and he is bankrupt and neck-deep in debt!

I was shocked by the news and I still am… Right now my parents aren’t aware of this and I will tell them eventually… but now there is no way I’m going to have the type of wedding I planned out.

I am willing to finance a simple wedding with my savings but it won’t do much good. My fiancé thinks we should break the bad news to my parents and seek their help or consider pushing the wedding to another day but I don’t support the idea… I’m not brave enough to face my parents when it’s only few weeks to the D-day!

What do I do? Please help!

Smashed Up Wedding

Dear Smashed Up,

Ugh.  A million red flags.

So do you realize what you are saying is that your fiancé was always one pay cheque away from financial devastation?

And when you are making that kind of money, that’s a very strong statement.  I mean, obviously, I don’t know your lifestyle, but there’s a possibility he’s been allowing the both of you to live well beyond your means.

I don’t know if I think the thing you should be most scared of right now is your parents.  The thing you should be sorting out is what the hell happened to get things to this point!

I’ve always been an advocate of if you can’t afford to pay for your own wedding, no one else should be obligated to provide that for you.  The sense of entitlement that comes with that way of thinking makes me crazy.

I know it feels like the most important thing to get figured out is what to do about the “party” (that’s what a “wedding” is – the meat of it is in the “marriage”, but that’s a topic for another day) but I honestly think you have bigger things to deal with.

Like, are the two of you on the same page financially?  Like, are there any serious alarm bells here that you need to pay attention to? Should you even be going ahead with this at this time?

Talking to your parents is a must do.  Borrowing from them isn’t.  Getting into debt you can’t afford to pay back will only make this situation worse, so I would think very seriously before you put yourself in that situation.

I’m really sorry this has happened to you, but I’m hoping you will pay attention to the signs that are popping up around you.

Dharma

 

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4 Comments

  • Irene says:

    Delay, delay, delay!!! These two folks need to be on the same financial page. Gosh so many people live large and it looks good on the surface, but guaranteed to break a marriage. Financial counselling. NOW. Gosh, I’d bet the folks would appreciate such wise and humble transformations.

    • Dharma says:

      Right? I’m totally with you, Irene… But, as I said to someone else on a thread in Twitter, I’m willing to bet $1 that they go ahead with the wedding and refuse to see any of this as a warning sign…

  • I would definitely worry about the fact that he’s gone from ‘six figures’ to ‘bankrupt and deep in debt’… They need to sit down and come up with a plan for job hunting and paying down the debt pronto. The wedding needs to wait, or it needs to happen on a shoe string. (Don’t spend your savings on it! Argh!)

    • Dharma says:

      I think when you are planning a wedding, you become so entirely focused and fixated on the end game that red flags don’t even hit the radar. I agree with you completely, Suzie, that the wedding needs to wait and that they need to re-group and get on the same page…

Whether you agree with Dharma or think she missed the mark on this one, leave a Comment!

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