Flaunting on Facebook is Actually NOT a Good Look



Dear Dharma,

My best friend’s husband just gave her what I really wanted for Christmas – a Michael Kors handbag. In fact, I’ve had to take a little social media break because I’m just so sick of seeing the expensive things my friends are getting from their partners.

It’s not that my fiancé isn’t buying me gifts on my birthday or at Christmas – he’s just so frustratingly practical and quite frankly, really cheap.

I don’t want to sound like an entitled princess. I know earrings and handbags are expensive. The thing is, we can totally afford it. We both have great jobs, little debt, own our home…why can’t he just splurge on me for once?

It’s so embarrassing when my friends put up pictures of their lavish gifts on Facebook, and all I have to show is a new teapot (he said it reminded him of the one I talked about in my parent’s kitchen. Mom recently passed away and I was hoping to get the old teapot but my sister took it) or a new makeup brush (I dropped mine in the toilet and couldn’t bear to use it, even though I cleaned it).

And who gets a hand vacuum for Valentine’s Day even if our cat sheds like crazy and makes me sneeze?

Help me Dharma. I want to show my Facebook friends that my man gives me really cool gifts too and prove that he actually cares!

Yours Truly,

Stuck with a Good but Cheap Man

Dear Stuck,

Oh dear… I’m so sorry…

Not sorry that your man isn’t buying you gifts that will allow you to brag to your friends, but sorry for saying that you do, in fact, come off sounding like an entitled princess.

I’m super interested to understand why it is you require lavish gifts as proof of your man’s love.  In fact, I’m super interested to understand how it is that you don’t see that the gifts he gives you are in fact extremely demonstrative of his level of caring!

A teapot meant to be sentimental after the passing of your mother.  A new makeup brush so that you don’t have to use one laced with feces.  Something to help with your allergies.

Gawd – the level of caring behind his intentions on every one of those gifts… you can’t see that?

Look.  I’ve got no problem with you wanting nice things.  I just think it’s extremely gross that you only want them as a measure of keeping up with the Jones’ and to flaunt how great your guy is.

You’ve said you can afford all the niceties that you want, so buy want you want, post away to your hearts content and imbed the lyrics to Destiny’s Child Independent Woman while you’re at it.  You’ve got all the control here, so maybe think about using it instead of waiting for your fiancé to make you “look good”.  Which – by the way – none of this makes you “look good”.  Just saying.

And as fate would have it, I am in desperate need of both a new hand vacuum and a makeup brush, so please feel free to send any unwanted items Dharma’s direction.

But keep the teapot.  It was a lovely gesture, and your man deserves a little love – not contempt – for that one.



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  • Waiting for Mr. Right says:

    Oh holy crap. Does she want to divorce him? Because I’ll take him! He sounds like an unbelievably thoughtful and caring man. So sad.

  • It’s not on the same level, but my husband has never bought me flowers. I grumped about it for years: no flowers somehow equaling no romance in my head, even though my husband does plenty of other thoughtful and romantic things.

    Then one day I bought myself flowers, and it was like a whole new world opened up. I wanted the flowers. He didn’t, and he had no interest in them. THE POWER WAS IN ME ALL ALONG! Now I buy myself flowers every couple of weeks, and appreciate the things my husband *does* do for me.

    • Dharma says:

      Suzie, this is awesome… waiting for someone to do something that’s not in their nature, and then turning it against them when it doesn’t happen seems like a such a recipe for being unsatisfied most of the time… and that you recognized the power was in you all along would be so liberating! And now you have fresh flowers whenever you want… 🙂

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