Muggle the Yowling Cat

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Dear Dharma,

I have the most adorable little cat named Muggle. He means the world to me. He was brought, barely clinging to life, to the local animal shelter where I work. I was one of the assistants that literally nursed him back to health.

It became clear we would have trouble adopting him out because this is a special needs cat. He has tummy trouble so he has to have an expensive all-meat diet, and he’s extremely anxious, which makes him very clingy. Muggle yowls unless he can sleep on my bed at night and whichever room I’m in, you’ll find him there, pretty much sitting on my feet and clawing at me for attention.

I don’t mind, but my boyfriend does.

I’ve been with my honey for just over a year now and we have been talking about moving in together. We’ve sorted out how to live with joint finances, if we are having kids, and splitting the chores – but we can’t get over the cat.

He just doesn’t like Muggle. He finds him annoying. He’s not allergic or anything, he just doesn’t care for cats.

 

My boyfriend is pressuring me to give Muggle up. I don’t want to. Help! I can’t choose between them.

Crazy(?) Cat Lady

Dear Cat Lady,

You know, from where I sit, the choice isn’t yours to make, it’s your boyfriends.

You met your guy a year, and I’m assuming little Muggle was already in your life.  If my assumption is wrong, then you can basically throw away everything I’m about to say, because it won’t hold water… but since I have nothing else to go on, that’s the path we’re going down.

Guy knew you had a cat when he met you and when he dated you for a year and when he discussed moving in, and discussed joint finances, kids and chores.  He knew about Muggle and did all those things anyway.

He’s not allergic or anything, he just doesn’t care for cats.

I’m hoping, however, that his love for you is greater than his dislike of cats.  If it isn’t, well, then… there isn’t a problem to solve, now is there.

Sorry to go all Dr. Seuss on you, but I would not, could not, give up a pet. I would not put him on a train, I would not put him in the rain.  It just isn’t the right thing to do, not for non-reasons like this.  Medical issues, yes.  Maybe.  Okay, yes…  But not this.

So I would re-frame the process.  This is a package deal, and it’s your boyfriend that needs to decide what to do with that.  I mean, I suppose in handling things this way you are essentially making a choice, but you’re not saying I’m choosing my pet over you, you’re saying, “You knew I had a pet, this pet, when you met me.  Getting rid of him is not an option, so how would you like to go forward?”

Dharma

 

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4 Comments

  • Anon says:

    Keep your kitty!! Too many special needs cats go without the proper love and care and if your bf has a problem with the cat then show him the door sweetie!

  • Irene says:

    I’m with you on this, Dharma. I met someone who grew up in a home without pets. And granted, the miserable cat I rescued was a keeper for other reasons. “Love me, love my cat,” was the saying in our home. Because it wasn’t just about this ‘one’ cat going forward. Rescuing animals was how I was and am intrinsically hard-wired. …If the boyfriend doesn’t like the present cat, then likely won’t support other cats either. Or pets, for that matter. And the ‘cat lady’ writing in will have more of these going forward in her life. She works not volunteers) but works at an animal shelter. She’s a package deal with her work and what she rescues. Maybe next time its an abused puppy. …. We had a happy ending. My miserable rescue became material for lots of laughter. And before long we had two cats. And then a dog and then another dog. In the end my husband would joke, “Be careful what you wish for. I always wanted a 4×4.” Then I took in two guinea pigs. 🙂

    • Dharma says:

      That’s awesome, Irene, and a really good point. It isn’t really about just this one cat, it’s a lifestyle thing… and a compatibility thing…

      Thanks for the comment!

Whether you agree with Dharma or think she missed the mark on this one, leave a Comment!

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