All of Us and Me Too – Part III

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Good morning and a happy Sunday to you all!

A few weeks ago I introduced you to the lovely Kimberly Michelle. She’s the former CEO and Chief Editor of The Real Single Ladies of Houston, a public speaker, and entrepreneur.  And that’s just to name a few things from a very impressive list!

Kimberly is also the author of “Dating in the Age of Narcissism” – definitely something you’ll want to add to your reading list for this year!

And now Kimberly is back today with us, with her third and final installment of All of Us & Me Too… a topic that’s highly relevant in today’s climate, and one that’s sure to be of interest.

So with that, I’ll turn you over to the lovely Miss Kimberly!

 

“I hate when women compare men to dogs. Men are not dogs. Dogs are loyal. I’ve never found any strange panties in my dog’s house.”

-Wanda Sykes

There is the old school belief that men, no matter how educated, wealthy or otherwise, have no control over themselves when in the presence of women they are physically attracted to. That men are biologically compelled to act on their sexual impulses no matter how deviant or base.

Since the beginning of girlhood, we are told flat out lies about men and their natural lack of will power. Women of the past were sold the idea that man is 1st cousin to the canine, and therefore excused from any sexual impropriety. But while man has been excused, women have been the ones to blame for bringing out his animal like nature.

We have been told to cover up our bodies, that even the slightest bit of skin can bring out his inner sleeping beast. Men have also believed the lies and have taken full advantage that they are not to blame for their reprehensible behavior, which isn’t their fault but ours. Agustín Fuentes, Ph. D, professor in the Department of Anthropology at the University of Notre Dame says, “The arguments that evolution has made men particularly aggressive in regard to sex draw on comparisons with insects, seals, lions, deer, and our closest relatives, the chimpanzees, to justify assertions about the naturalness of sexual coercion and rape.”

We have let men off the hook for bad behavior for too long. Even worse, we’ve made up excuses as to why they should be forgiven with saying such as:

Boys will be boys

A man is going to be a man

He just can’t help himself

You and I could go on for years, literally, dishing back and forth the excuses we women have used to justify behavior that wasn’t out of their control. When we excuse bad behavior, we give license for it to prevail. And prevail it has! So, are men really like dogs? Even dogs, if trained, can control themselves. I wanted to follow up with Glenn Close’s comment on the #metoo movement and the nature of men.

“As more and more people are being exposed and more and more women are being able to come up and say they were abused or preyed upon, I feel that it’s kind of in the male DNA, that if somebody walks in the room, your first thought is, ‘Do I want to fuck her?’ Honestly speaking, “she said. “Women maybe, but not to the same degree. If you expect that to change, I think it’s stupid.” – Glenn Close, Interview with Jezebel

So, what do you honestly think about her comment? Is she right? Is she wrong?

Because I am so annoyingly objective, it can be hard for me to have a clear position at times. I admit I am that woman that looks at the men entering the room and deems which one I can possibly flirt with. No, it won’t change that opposites sexes will stop checking each other out. We are wired to be attracted to each other so that we can make more weird, dysfunctional humans like ourselves. But we are not wired to abuse each other. Nor are we naturally wired, based off our gender, to sexually assault, rape and molest each other.

The problem that I have with her statement is the fact that she thinks it can’t be changed. It isn’t a lack of self-control that keeps men from making the right decisions, it is the centuries long allowance of the behavior to ensue that keeps them taking advantage. Fuentes writes, “These arguments are popular with many scientists and the public, because they make it easier for us to deal with male violence and aggression towards women — believing these assertions means that sexual violence, while undesirable, is a central part of human biology, and thus inevitable.”

“We have this profound notion that the world is made by men.”

Dr. Amanda Foreman author of The Ascent of Woman

This past Christmas, while shopping for my daughter, I noticed, probably for the first time in my life that the toys that were meant for girls and boys were totally different and gender specific. The girls’ aisles were pink, fancy and heavily domestic. There were baby dolls, bottles, doll diapers, carriages, cribs, aprons, tiny kitchens and faux washer and dryer sets.

I think what got me the most were those damn fake cleaning caddies.  The ones that hold the bottles your girl is supposed to use in her role as head maid in her future household. From the time we are born, we are practicing how to be mommy’s.  Mommy’s, wives and maids with no real identity outside of these realms.

The toys in the boy’s aisles were guns, ammo, camouflage wear, games of war, violence and murder. They didn’t have dolls to get them ready for fatherhood or cleaning caddies for their jobs in their future households. I voiced my concerns to older females, that this was part of the problem. I was told that things would never change and that is the way of the world.

For thousands of years men have been taught to view women as secondary citizens. Even women’s bodies are viewed as their property. So, when the 3rd wave of feminism in American history began, there was a tremendous backlash by men and to my surprise women. If all we have ever done is slap men on the wrist or make it laughable that men are sub human, then rape and sexual assault will never be a real issue.

To sexually assault, rape or treat women like objects by cat calling, deeming them as less deserving of respect or degrading their bodies with negative opinions of supposed female perfection is all choice and the excuse of biology is just plain bullshit. We’ve all known this, it’s not news. It’s the elephant in the room with the erect penis that no one wants to talk about.

The “sit on my knee” uncle, the touchy feely boss or the husband who beats you out of love, their time is up!

 

A big thank you to Kimberly Michelle for her great Me Too series, and hoping we’ll see more of her in the future!

Wishing you a wonderful rest of your weekend, and we’ll see you in the morning…

Dharma

 

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3 Comments

  • Tj says:

    A profound and real piece. Thank you for this.

  • Hands - off says:

    Ugh, the ‘sit on my knee” uncle, or the “gimme a kiss (on the lips)” grandpa…..It’s sad to me that only in the last year or so (and I’m 35 years old) have I come to realize that I didn’t need to grin-and-bear-it. I REALLY disliked this as a child, and since I’ve gone along with it all these years, it feels nearly impossible to back away from ‘kissing’ family (ON THE LIPS no less!).

Whether you agree with Dharma or think she missed the mark on this one, leave a Comment!

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