Babysitter’s Club



Dear Dharma,

I just recently discovered you and am so glad I did because maybe you can help with this.

We have a 4 year old son, and we often hire a babysitter – as in a few times a month.  Mostly she’s really great, but I have the feeling she’s having her boyfriend over while we are out.

One time I swear I saw someone slip out our backyard as we came in, and another time the bedspread in our spare room was mussed up.  My husband says I’m just imagining things, but I don’t think I am.

I know her parents don’t let her date (she’s only 14), so I’m not sure what to do about this.  Should I talk to her parents?

Not Imagining Things!

Dear Imagining,

If there’s no reason in the world why someone would be in your spare room while you are out, rumpling up the linens, then your hunch could well be correct… But it’s not exactly a smoking gun, so you’ll want to tread lightly.

Have you ever discussed house rules with her?  If you haven’t, it’s not too late.  Tell her you’ve just realized you never discussed a few things when she first started with you, and you wanted to take a moment to go over some things.

And then go over them.  Tell her she’s allowed to have a girlfriend over once little Timmy has gone to bed (if, in fact, you are okay with that) but otherwise you’d prefer she not have any guests while you are paying her to take care of your child.  Or simply no guests at all is fine too.  It’s about being available should your child need anything and not having her… being distracted.

It’s your house, and your rules – so communicate them.

For now, I’d leave the parents out of it.  You don’t have any real proof, and on the off off chance it isn’t what you think, you could create a whole world of problems where they need not exist.



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Categories: Advice, conflict, Sex

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