Am I Allowed to Call My Friend That?



Dear Dharma,

I think my best friend may be a douche bag. Am I allowed to say that? He’s normally a really great guy which is why I referred to him as my best friend so this is why this is so surprising.

In an apparent drunken stupor he slept with someone that he probably shouldn’t have. You see, it was the sister of a girl that we know. That’s not the issue though. The issue is that he knows (actually, we all know) that this friend has a really big crush on him. She looks at him with googly eyes. I kid you not.

How could he do this to her? She’s a really nice person and will be crushed when she finds out.

I mean, how drunk does someone have to be to cross certain lines? Do you think I should tell our friend? Should her sister tell her? Ugh!

Not Impressed by BFF


Seriously, that’s a NASA worthy acronym, don’t you think?

And yes, you can call your BFF a douche bag if, in fact, they pull a douche bag move…

However, I’m torn.

As much as this may have been a douche bag move on his part, I’m kinda thinking… you may want to get the same t-shirt for the sister, non?

If everybody knows that this girl has a crush on this guy, I’ve got to assume that everybody includes the sister… and doesn’t she owe her sibling a whole lot more than some guy does, let alone some a guy who obviously isn’t even interested in her?

If you ask me (which – ha, you did!!), she’s the real douche bag in this story.  I mean, I’m not letting guy off the hook here… they both had the opportunity to do the right thing  and neither of them took it… but you’d think your sister would have your back, instead of laying on hers… (Mr. Dharma says ooooh, scorch, burn)

Should you tell the friend?  Ummm… I don’t know, I don’t think so.

Should her sister tell her?


Will she?  Ummm, I don’t know, but I wouldn’t put too much money on her doing the right thing.



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  • This may possibly just be me (which I can accept!) but I never understood why someone having an unreciprocated crush on someone meant ‘hands off’ for everyone else in that social group. I get that it is painful to watch someone you like with another person, but… it is more painful to cling to hope indefinitely.

    • Dharma says:

      You know, you’re totally right. That thought occurred to me, that he doesn’t owe this girl celibacy for the rest of his life just because she has a crush on him. I do think that a bit of sensitivity would have been a nice touch, considering it was her sister that he slept with, but beyond that he doesn’t owe her too much. As I said in my answer, I think the bigger issue is with the sister.

      Thanks, as always, for your comment, Suzie. You always have great way of adding the other side to things…